I like to think of myself as nice. In the past, this niceness would reach its height whenever I was in a relationship. But after a decade of dropping everything the moment guys called, I got fed up and stopped trying to impress them. And what do you know? By being “nasty”, I found someone who gave me that ring. What I didn’t realise was that I’d been doing everything right by the relationship bestseller, Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman’s Guide to Winning her Man’s Heart by Sherry Argov. Her basic principle is that you have to put yourself first in anyrelationship and if that means being a bitch, so be it.She has given 75 Relationship Principles to live by and here are the more salient ones. I know they work because I’ve used them all on the man who is now my husband:
He doesn’t marry a woman who’s perfect; he marries one who is interesting.
When I dated a guy in the past, I would find out what his interests were and take them up too in the hopes that he’d think I would be perfect for him. I picked up many hobbies along the way, ranging from karate to collecting comics, but never got the guy. When I met my husband, I ignored his hobbies, which made him take up mine instead and convinced him I could teach him a thing or two if he stuck by me.
The less you mention the word “commitment”, the closer you are to getting one.
Be another C word instead: cool. Three married friends I ask say that’s the secret to getting him hot under the collar. When I first started dating, my biggest mistake was to ask, after two dates: “So are we a couple?” That would normally guarantee no third date. When I went out with my hubby-to-be, I kept to the let’s-be-friends line and played it so cool that he asked me instead: “Are you my girlfriend?”
Women are constantly being told amazing sex will win a man’s heart. This is false.
Just because a man sleeps with you, it doesn’t mean he cares about you, not even if it’s mind-blowing. I know of a woman who did not believe in premarital sex. Then she met a charming guy, who chose to marry her instead of all the other girls who would throw themselves at him. His reason? “I needed to get to that wedding night.” By holding out, she made sex something special and out of his reach unless he followed her rules.
When a man doesn’t call, a bunch of scenarios will run through a woman’s mind. Similarly, his imagination will run wild when he doesn’t hear from you.
After my second date with hubby-to-be, he said casually: “I’ll see you around.” So I replied: “I’ll call you.” I genuinely did plan to call him but that week was a particularly bad one work-wise – which meant that by the time I went home after a 14-hour day, all I wanted to do was turn off my phone and sleep. At the end of the week, I got a frantic SMS from him: “Did I do something wrong?” Not so casual this time.
A woman who puts herself first won’t allow herself to be with a man who is biding his time until something better comes along.
I used to go out with a guy who’d tell me at intervals: “You’re not my type.” But I thought that if I hung around long enough, he’d come to realise that I was the best thing to happen to him. After two years of me hanging on, he found someone who was his type. She was tough and wouldn’t take any nonsense from him – this girl wasn’t going to hang around till he made up his mind so he did that pretty quickly by dumping me.
There’s nothing more prized to a man than something he had to wait for, work for, or struggle a little bit to get.
My virgin friend had stumbled upon a winning formula. By withholding sex, she made it an even bigger prize for her guy to aspire to. It must be something in the evolutionary process that makes men only treasure things that they’ve had to fight for. So if he thinks that he’s won you from five other suitors, you can bet he’ll waste no time pushing you up that aisle to secure his trophy. Moral of the story: Treat them mean, keep them keen.