Vow renewals are on the rise: Why couples are saying yes twice

Once the domain of Hallmark movie plots or something reserved for the über-wealthy and emotionally demonstrative, vow renewals never felt like a real-life ritual to me. Or maybe, plot twist, they were happening all along, just off Instagram. Call it a recommitment ceremony or a romantic reset, because for some, it’s a public declaration with champagne and florals; for others, a private promise to keep showing up for each other. And according to Theresa Pong, the founder and counselling director of Relationship Room, it’s also a chance for couples to acknowledge the tectonic shifts that come with time.

Maybe the kids have left home. Maybe someone’s recovered from an illness, or forgiven a betrayal, or maybe both have made it to year 25 with both their sense of humour intact.  “These moments often help couples reflect on their journey and reconnect emotionally”, she adds, adding that “for some, it’s also a chance to involve their children, especially if the original wedding was small, rushed, or held during a stressful time.” 

“In Singapore, many people view love and marriage through a practical lens. It’s less about grand declarations, more about folding the laundry without being asked or turning up with someone’s favourite hawker stall takeaway,” Pong says. Big, sweeping gestures, like vow renewals, can feel unnecessary. Even indulgent. They also come with a price tag. For many couples, spending on something non-essential doesn’t quite square with local sensibilities. “Unlike in Western cultures, where such celebrations are more common, local couples tend to be more reserved,” she adds. 

Most didn’t grow up watching their parents get all misty-eyed and repeat vows under a banyan tree. The idea is unfamiliar. Not unwelcome, but just unpractised. Still, Pong sees signs of change. Younger couples, she notes, are beginning to want more than shared logistics and side-by-side iPhone scrolling on a bed. “They care more about emotional connection and celebrating each other.”

“After the COVID-19 pandemic, we also observed that many couples began to realise how important it is to embrace their relationship, especially during tough times,” says Pong. She’s also noticed more ground-up efforts taking root, like community centres, grassroots groups, and non-profits who are doing the good work of mass vow renewal events. They’re not glamorous, and they don’t pretend to be. But they’ve made the idea more accessible, and perhaps more moving, for the everyday couple.

Private banker May Chua has noticed more of her peers becoming open to the idea of “commemorating their marriages”, and when her tenth anniversary came around, she and her husband renewed their vows in front of their two children. A gesture of gratitude, she says, to God, their families, and each other. They’re already thinking about doing it again for their twentieth.

Artist, musician, and entrepreneur Aarika Lee did the same, having always known with her husband that they wanted to mark life’s big chapters with intention. She also grew up attending plenty of such anniversary parties within her family, which made such celebrations feel normal, even if they rarely made it to social media. Their vow renewal became a way to celebrate “our journey together with everyone we loved around us,” she says, “and it was a chance to include our children too.” 

For author, entrepreneur, and senior fashion editor Lena Kamarudin, however, the timeline was less straightforward. The tenth slipped by with a trip to New York, the fifteenth was thwarted by the COVID-19 global pandemic, and the twentieth — her husband’s suggested target — was vetoed in favour of the seventeenth. “I disagreed and said we’re doing it right now, before the kids turn 12 and have their PSLE year.”

Pong is all for such practicality, especially in a culture where vow renewals are often seen as either performative or a sign that something’s gone wrong. “Many couples who are strong and happy in their relationship choose to renew their vows to celebrate how far they’ve come together,” she notes, adding that “it’s a way to reflect on their journey, appreciate each other, and say ‘I still choose you’.” Just as crucially, she reminds couples that it doesn’t need to be a grand affair. A vow renewal can be simple, quiet, and deeply personal: “just the two of you at home, or a quiet moment with close family and friends.” What matters most isn’t the spectacle, but the intention.

That’s what entrepreneur and the woman behind A Second Nature, Velda Tan did. When she and husband of 10 years decided to renew their vows, they kept super private and flew themselves to California and had a quiet ceremony - just the two of them.

Vow renewals tend to be less formal than weddings, and for Lee, that looseness was part of the charm. Hers took place at her mother’s home. A natural choice, she says, since family is central to both her and her husband. “And as a family, we love house parties,” she adds, “so it was a no-brainer. It felt right to bring all our family and friends together at home for the occasion, and I’m glad we did.” Chua took a more traditional route. She and her husband returned to where it all began: St. Theresa’s Church, the same place they were married. “Even our future vow renewals will be at this church,” she says. 

Some couples, however, prefer a change of scenery. For Lena and her husband, their choice was the Four Seasons Resort Oahu in Hawaii. “It’s been on my bucket list for the longest time”, she says, and more than just a picturesque location, She wanted it to be a place she could return to in memory. “I wanted to be there with my family for a significant occasion so that we would always remember Hawaii.”

As with a wedding, planning a vow renewal takes time and, often, money. Some, like Chua, kept things low-key, skipping the decorations, photography, and even wardrobe stress. “Perhaps we already knew what to do and what suited us, hence we didn’t spend too much time researching,” she says.

At this stage, she adds, “We know what suits us and what works. The vow renewal was more to celebrate ourselves and incorporate our children into our married life.” Others, like Lena, saw it as a chance to honour more than just the present. “I got the dress, the veil, and even arranged the cake and flowers. I specifically requested for white orchids — it was my husband’s late sister’s favourite flowers. We (my husband and the twins) wanted to remember her during our vow renewal.”

This, perhaps, is what makes vow renewals feel quietly therapeutic. Especially, as Pong notes, “for couples who have weathered difficult seasons such as illness, infidelity, or loss.” From an attachment standpoint, she says, it can help rebuild trust and emotional safety. “It’s not just about repeating promises—it’s about saying, I still choose you, after everything we’ve been through. This can be deeply comforting and grounding for both partners.”

For the three other ladies interviewed, that sense of renewal carried a different weight the second time around. “Our vows changed, because we’ve changed,” says Lee. “This season of our lives is so different from when we began, and our vows encapsulated everything we were grateful for in the ten years we’ve grown together.” Chua echoes the sentiment. A decade on, their words focused less on romance, more on gratitude for the love, labour, and life they’ve built.

For Lena, the act itself felt quietly radical. “Renewing our vows isn’t very common culturally in Singapore, and because I’m Muslim, it’s almost unheard of,” she says. Her twins had grown up hearing their parents epic love story, but had never seen their parents marry. So she wore white, surprised her husband with a veil, and brought out the same Batak traditional marriage cloth used at their original ceremony. This time, their children stood beside them.

If love is all around, as the movies say, then perhaps the wiser thing is to recognise it and, when possible, to mark it. “Celebrating love, especially love that has lasted through ups and downs, is never unnecessary,” Pong says. “In life, we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, promotions—so why not honour the relationship that holds everything together?” Vow renewals aren’t about spectacle. They’re about intention. A pause. A second look. A quiet reminder that after everything like life, mess, and mileage, you’d still choose each other. Which, even to the most cynical among us, is hard not to love just a little.”

Jet-Set Vows

If you’re planning a vow renewal and conveniently need to flee the country, keep scrolling. These five spots skip the clichés and feel worth the airfare.

Best for Glamorous Jet-Setters — Four Seasons Resort O’ahu

At this resort, you’ll get ocean views, floral arrangements, a non-denominational officiant, a romantic dinner, plus a dedicated wedding manager to keep it all from falling apart. Want a Hawaiian guitarist or ukulele player? Done. The spa team, comprising therapists, estheticians, and stylists, is also on hand to ensure you look serene, even if you’re not. The resort has one main outdoor venue and nearly 20 indoor options. The Ocean Lawn offers postcard-perfect views and palm trees for atmosphere, while the adjacent Lurline Room provides air conditioning and plausible deniability if it rains. For those planning a vow renewal with a few hundred of their closest friends, Ko Olina’s expansive lawn can handle a guest list in the thousands, ideal if you want to stay in one place while hosting an event that rivals a music festival.

Best for Reclusive Romantics — The Hudnalls Hideout treehouse

At The Hudnalls Hideout, you’ll be the only guests on two acres of ancient woodland, with fallow deer and squirrels as your uninvited, but silent witnesses. The secluded Lookout Bar, nestled in the treetops, serves as the ceremony spot—part fairy tale, part forest retreat. A local celebrant can officiate, and the space can be styled with rose petals, personal photos, or anything else that toes the line between tasteful and sentimental. There are props if you want them, quiet if you don’t. You’ll make your vows in a private pocket of the national nature reserve, then toast it all with your favourite drinks and a celebratory feasting board, which is basically a charcuterie board, but romantic. Ideal for couples who want magic without the madness, and zero risk of someone’s drunk uncle doing a conga line.

Best for Spiritually Curious Minimalists — Eagle Dancer Resort

At Eagle Dancer Resort in Sedona, you’ll wake up to sunrises, moonrises, and glowing red mountains that’ll make you forget you ever lived in a city. On your vow renewal day, say “I still do” at The Terrace, with the Sedona Red Rocks as your backdrop and a courtyard made for first dances, quiet dinners, and mildly spiritual tears. The entire outdoor space is yours to roam, which is ideal for dreamy photos or pretending you’re starring in your own high-production desert elopement film. There are over 14 hiking trails right at the edge of the property, so you can sweat out your pre-vow nerves or just pretend you love to hike. Post-ceremony, guests get exclusive access to a steam room, cedar sauna, hydrotherapy hot tub, and a saltwater pool, because apparently, healing energy is better when it comes infused with eucalyptus.

Best for Luxury Maximalists — Four Seasons Koh Samui

At InterContinental Koh Samui, your vow renewal begins with a 118-metre overwater aisle (the longest in Asia) floating above the Gulf of Thailand with dramatic cliffs and ocean views as your backdrop. The package also includes two nights in a Club Ocean View Room with all the perks, plus round-trip airport transfers in a Mercedes S-Class (pending availability and your luck). Expect the full romantic rig too: flower petals, a floral arch, bouquet, boutonniere, and a non-legal celebrant to make it all feel official. There’s a sunset dinner with champagne, a 90-minute couple’s massage at Baan Thai Spa by HARNN, and a post-ceremony bubble bath waiting back at the villa. A personal wedding concierge will manage the details, so all you have to do is walk the aisle, say the words, and try not to trip on your feelings.

Best for Design-Loving Sentimentalists — Ubuya Ryokan

At Ubuya, a hot spring resort in Fujikawaguchiko, you’ll exchange vows with Mt. Fuji in full view and Lake Kawaguchi sparkling below, because if you’re going to recommit, you might as well do it in front of a volcano. The ryokan staff will join in the celebration (yes, really), dressing you in matching happi coats and presenting you with kusudama balls—decorative paper spheres you break open to reveal a message inside, like a fortune cookie but with flair. Your ceremony will also be art-directed by Tokyo creatives from EIGHT BRANDING DESIGN and TASKO. Afterwards, soak in a hot spring bath with a front-row view of Mount Fuji or enjoy the reflected glow of the mountain on the lake at sunset for all the feels.