Think of bad sex as a teachable moment – when you’ll learn something about your guy, yourself, and what to do the next time it happens.
Give him a chance
One lousy bedroom romp doesn’t have to spell disaster. Ask Melissa*, 29, who tried to get it on with her guy after a long day. “Michael* was so tired, he couldn’t perform,” she recalls. He then grabbed his phone and texted his dad – who replied with some advice (‘Son, these things happen when you’re tired or you’ve been drinking’). I was mortified at first. But I was also charmed by his closeness to his family, and decided not to hold that incident against him.”
Know when to let it go
“I was spotting because it was the end of my period, and midway through sex, he suddenly noticed a small stain on the pillow. He immediately stopped, got up, and took the pillow into the bathroom to wash it,” says Giselle*, 30.
“He came back 15 minutes later with a clean pillow. I was embarrassed, but decided not to say anything. So I just got up and left the room. He didn’t apologise or ask me what was wrong.”
Sometimes, you can’t figure out why people are the way they are – and that’s probably for the best.
Overthinking it can kill the mood
Who doesn’t love a sensitive guy? But sometimes, it’s way overrated.
“My partner kept asking me, ‘Are you okay? Is this okay? Does everything feel okay?’ I was so annoyed that I eventually snapped at him to stop talking,” says Anna, 27*. “He did, but if you’re wondering whether I had an orgasm, the answer is no.”
See the funny side
You might be faced with a frustrating situation, but being chill is always good. “Richard* had a curved penis, so having sex wasn’t so easy,” says Denise*, 25. “On one occasion, we tried a few times, but in the end, I laughed and exclaimed, ‘I can’t do this!’ We both lost the mood, but ended up spending the rest of the night talking.”
If you’re faced with a similar problem, sexologist Martha Lee suggests guiding him in during sex.
If you don’t like what he’s doing, say so
Just because it rocks his boat doesn’t mean it’ll rock yours. If he’s crossed the line of what’s comfortable for you, call him out on it or walk away.
It’s what Tammy*, 27, picked up from a bad experience. “Once, before sex, he spat on my nether regions because he considered it foreplay. It’s not so much the act that made me angry – it was that he did it without considering my feelings. He should have at least asked first if it was okay. It was gross and I felt like a piece of meat, but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset him. Today I’m a lot more vocal.”
The takeaway: Great sex happens if you communicate what you like and, more importantly, what you don’t like.
This article was first published in the January 2018 issue of Her World.