Dating apps and online dating sites are quite the minefield, I know. It can get exhausting dating men who end up being duds, or who bombards you with messages like “babez wuup2?” which you know is a copy + paste job to all girls.
To help you navigate round such a maze, here’s a rundown of all the different types of male species that you will meet online, and how to deal with them accordingly. Do you run a mile or do you hold out? We’re here to help.
Disclosure: We know we’re stereotyping a little. But these dudes do exist.
1. The one who loves himself
His photos will usually have at least one, if not more, topless images. He’ll write things in his bio like “I’m a ladies man” or “if I message you, count yourself lucky”. For any girl who idolises good looking men regardless of their personality, sure, go ahead and click.
For all women after more substance than just “I think I’m really attractive” selfies — steer clear. Even if he reaches out to you — run away. Far away. It’s unlikely he’ll take you or any kind of relationship seriously. And really, you’d find that there’s nothing much to say to the guy after a while.
2. The one who is a joker
He lacks the self-confidence to be taken seriously, so he plays the joker of the group instead. Most likely his profile will have a few images of him with his mates where you can clearly see, he’s at the hub of the jokes. He prides himself on being the comedian and in his bio he’ll make a dry joke or two, to avoid writing about his real self.
He’s going to be such a laugh to be around, that’s for sure. Never a dull moment with him — and he will probably be soft at heart too, because he doesn’t have the arrogance other men have about pulling women. If you get him to calm down a bit, he may even make for a good long term partner.
3. The one who is only here for a good time (and is very open about it)
His images will be entirely sex-related and chosen to simply arouse women, or so he hopes. His bio will, quite literally, discuss that he only wants a hookup. Whilst it’s cringe-to-the-max, you have to respect the guy for at least owning up to it, rather than playing girls along. He offers exactly what the label states, take or leave it.
Unless you’re also after some casual fun and you categorically do not expect to meet this guy again, then sure, go for it. If, however, you are looking for a man in your life longer than 24 hours — do not even entertain him with a message. You’re simply going to end up heartbroken.
4. The boho traveller nomad man
Accompanying a bio that depicts some intellectual quote from a long-gone philosopher, the boho guy will upload snaps of himself in some idyllic setting, or at one with nature. He waxes lyrical about energies and he sees the world not restricted by society. He is, actually, very refreshing. Not interested in material things or ‘fitting in’, he’s a great catch for a like-minded girl.
A tendency to be distant (in both respects) and unreliable, the nomad is quite difficult to pin down to dates and any consistency. Routine is the very thing he rebels against, so turning up on time or seeing you often will not be high on his list. Move forward with him only if you’re ready to accept that. That being said, if he is ready to meet someone, he could be a really great guy to be around. Think of all the interesting stories you’d get to hear!
5. The fake one
You’d be surprised at how many fake profiles there are out there, and how delusional the man is behind the screen, thinking he can pull it off. If all his images are professional photoshoot modelling images, or clearly an Instagram tile image, but he then claims not to have Instagram or any social media at all — he is fake. Most models need social media to push their portfolios, FYI.
If you think his images are real but he is reluctant to talk to you beyond the dating app or site, chances are he’s not the real deal. Why is he even on there then for goodness sake?
Do yourselves a favour and reverse Google search the image, stat — see if the photo belongs to some European male model called Vlad who is happily married.
Don’t get me wrong, male (and female) models do use dating sites. But they also counteract their professional shots with social media accounts to prove they are who they say they are. Any whiff of a fake account — block and delete immediately.
6. The one who only has cartoon images in his profile
Yes, he could also be a fake profile too, but from experience, fake profiles often try too hard to look real and will thus use shots of good looking people. The ones who only have cartoon images are men who have too many issues to want to put a picture of their own face on their own profile.
Doesn’t matter if he messages like someone with real intellect or interest or you think you have some online connection — you have no idea what he looks like and he’s giving off a ‘you can’t wholly trust me’ vibe from the get go. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. (Unless he sends you something that looks legit, later.)
7. The musician
Oh, the one who thinks he’s gonna make it big time, or is so into his ‘art’ that he talks rarely about anything else. Every other photo will be of him with his instrument or his band, and he’ll be very expressive and creative as a whole.
A great guy to date if you’re on the similar plane — they’ll make you feel like the most special girl in the world too. Just ensure he’s genuinely into you and you’re not going to get pushed out when he’s too ‘into his music’.
8. The rare genuine gem
He’s attractive but not arrogant, masculine but pretty, dresses well, seemingly holding down a good job, eloquent yet funny, takes himself seriously but is also down to earth. This guy is a real rare find and they DO exist out there in the dating world. So hold out! Usually you have to wade through the bad ones to eventually stumble on one of these, but you’ll know when they come along.
There will be an immediate connection and a relaxed vibe to the conversations. He’ll make you feel special but not in a creepy stalker way and he’ll seemingly have his life together.
With this guy, all you need to do is chill out, enjoy your time, don’t predict or over-analyse him and just see where it goes. Finger’s crossed, it goes somewhere good, nay, great.
9. The ‘too good to be true’ man
Following on from the rare gem — the ‘too good to be true’ man is so hard to spot, because you always think he’s a rare gem. He comes off as genuine, and you have no need to question him. However, slowly, some weird things will start to pop up, cracks will begin to show and you’ll learn he isn’t quite as he seems.
Hiding a secret family? Not yet separated from his wife? Secretly broke but pretending to be stable? A gambler? Alcoholic? Depressed? Or just someone who loves lying, just for the thrill of it? Whatever it is, there is something way off about this man and he’ll never be a good life partner option.
Unfortunately the only way to find this out is the hard way. You can’t assume every man is too good to be true, in case you just had a rare gem and ruined it with your cynicism. Power through with conversation and initial dates, but look out for warning signs and if your gut instinct tells you something isn’t right, listen to it.