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“When Tim and I got married nine years ago, we used to make love twice a week. By our fourth year of marriage, that had dwindled to once a week, and then to nothing at all for two years. This happened after he took a job that required him to work longer hours and travel frequently.

When he was home, Tim was too tired for sex, and spent precious family time on weekends catching up on his sleep. I was also exhausted from juggling my career as a teacher and taking care of our girls, now seven and five years old.

Our frustration from the lack of physical intimacy took its toll. Our nerves were more easily frayed and we became hostile towards each other. I started feeling resentful, neglected and unattractive, believing that my husband would rather work himself to the bone than squeeze in time for me.

One day, after yet another heated fight – over something as trivial as who should go to the supermarket for milk – I decided I had to do something about my marriage.

A Dirty Weekend
Friends I confided in suggested we go for marital counselling, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject with Tim. Then I came across a travel package to Bali on the Internet. It reminded me that we hadn’t gone on a holiday since our first child was born. Travelling was something we loved to do during our courtship.

I decided to plan a surprise getaway. I figured that if I bought the plane tickets and booked the hotel before telling Tim, he couldn’t say no. And I was right. Tim initially wasn’t sure if he could spare the time, but seeing that I had already paid for everything, he agreed to take leave.

I was excited and started packing. I came across a sexy teddy my girl pals had given me on my hen night. I hadn’t worn it since my honeymoon in 2003 but it gave me the idea of turning our holiday into a sexy one. I went out to buy more lingerie with the aim of seducing Tim in mind.

And seduced he was. During our three days in Bali, we hardly left our villa. Our first session was very aggressive. I dominated, unleashing my pent-up anger and emotions from the last two years. It turned Tim on. We had explosive sex twice a day and lots of fun rediscovering each other. Pillow talk also reminded us of how we used to feel about each other, and helped us reconnect. I remembered why I wanted him in the first place.

We returned home a much happier couple, with our minds and bodies in sync again. Sex became a regular occurrence; we lusted for each other every day in the weeks following our trip. It was like we were newly-weds again – we just couldn’t get enough of each other.

You could say we became addicted to sex with each other after that. It was as if our dirty weekend liberated us from our inhibitions. I felt like a hippie from the ’70s, believing it’s better to make love all the time than war.

Seeing a different side of each other fanned our carnal desires – it was refreshing to rediscover that my timid husband could be a tiger in bed, while Tim found the vixen in me raunchy. If I’d known a simple trip was all it took to get my sexy back, I would have planned it a lot sooner!

Pushing Boundaries Abroad
As our first sexcapade was such a huge success, Tim suggested that we take turns to plan one once every three months, and surprise each other with the destination – usually a posh hotel or a resort with a romantic villa and private pool.

Our sex holidays usually last no longer than four days, and they’re never far from Singapore – Malaysia, Indonesia and Thailand – as my in- laws aren’t able to care for my girls for too long.

Tim is now more excited about our dirty getaways than I am, and gets cheeky when it’s his turn to organise one. A week before the trip, we abstain from sex to build up the tension. He also sends me sexy text messages, telling me what to expect, and what clothes and sex toys to take along. Once, he suggested not bringing any clothes, seeing that we would be spending most of our time naked anyway.

When we’re on vacation, we also push the boundaries by getting naughty outdoors – in the ocean or swimming pool. The thought of someone catching us heightens the excitement.

Sex At Home
I don’t ever want to lose this connection with Tim again, so I read up on new things to keep our sex life passionate. We are also more daring and adventurous in our sex games (hint: role-playing and food involved). We now make love at least twice a week – if Tim is too busy or tired on weekdays, he’ll make it up to me over the weekend. If he has long work trips, we make love every day leading up to his trip, and every day in the week after he returns.

Tim seems more energised than before. He is also more vocal – telling me what he wants me to do in bed – and attentive, checking to see if I’m comfortable or if I like what he is doing. He was previously more focused on his climax than mine. We also practise new positions. My favourite is the wheelbarrow (I’m the wheelbarrow; he’s the “pusher”).

Go Try It!
Friends have commented that I look more refreshed now. My cheeks are flushed and there’s a bounce in my step. Maybe it’s all the sex I’m having. My endorphins are on a constant high. Or perhaps I’m just happier. And to think I thought we needed counselling – when something as simple as sex helped to revive our marriage.”

*Names have been changed