From The Straits Times    |

Tina: I’m a single 39 year-old lady. I got to know a man of the same age from an online dating website. He asked me out for coffee after we exchanged a few emails. After dinner, he asked me to accompany him grocery shopping. He even walked me to my car and before we went our separate ways, he said to me "See you soon, really soon."

Honestly, I enjoyed the date. I believe it was because both of us had a lot in common in terms of education level, job scope and travel experience. We had no problem communicating. I expected him to text me within the next few days or ask me out on a second date. Nothing happened.

I took the initiative to text him 2 weeks later and he asked me out for dinner again on the very day I texted him. It was another fun evening – we had dinner, explored a new mall to do his shopping, had supper, and laughed a lot throughout.

When the night ended, he said, "See you soon" again. It has been 2 weeks since then and I’ve heard nothing from him. I cannot tell whether this guy is interested in me. Should I continue to take the initiative to contact him?

I also noticed that many men do the same thing. They promise to call you up after the first date but never do. Why do they behave this way?

Violet Lim: Firstly, I’d like to commend you on taking a proactive step to jumpstart your dating journey! Many women take a passive stance, hoping that Mr. Right will fall from the sky, and I am glad that you’re not doing that.

Since he was the one who asked to meet offline, it’s apparent that he’s not the type of man who’s too shy to make the first move. From the looks of it, he enjoys your company but at this point, he’s not ready to explore something deeper with you. My advice is to move on and keep your options open. He has your number he’ll call if he’s interested to see you again. Meanwhile, get to know other men.

Many women have asked me why men say or act like they’ll call after the first date, but never do. The truth is men don’t need a reason for not calling. On the other hand, when women go on first dates, we need to give the man a reason to call after the date.

During the first date, see if there’s anything that you could share your knowledge or expertise on so that he can do a follow-up. For example, a CD he would like to borrow or an activity that you both enjoy doing and don’t mind exploring together.

I wouldn’t advise women to ask a man out as most still like to be the one doing the chasing. Subtly invite him to ask you out. Say to him, “There’s this great movie that’s premiering next Thursday which I really want to watch, but all my friends are out of town. I wish I could find someone to watch the movie with.” If he’s interested, he’d say, “Hey, would you like to go watch the movie with me?” Mission accomplished!

If he’s not interested, he wouldn’t pursue the matter and you’ll know where he stands. Of course, there’re also some men who are painfully shy and afraid of rejection. For those men, drop more obvious hints that you’ll agree to going out with him if he asks you out.

Happy dating!
 

If you have any relationship questions of your own, send them in to magherworldonline@sph.com.sg with the subject title "Relationship Q&A".