Sexts, or ‘sexy-texts’ in the longer version, is a common terminology thrown about in the modern world of dating and relationships.
But why send sexts? What does the sendee hope to achieve and when is it okay to send a sext? How well do you know this person, and will the photo of you with your rack out end up as an email attachment or passed around the bar on a Friday night? Ouch.
I conducted some extensive millennial research (aka asked the girls in the office) about such topic, and the general consensus was that, the majority are pro-sexts. However, there are multiple stipulations. For instance, naughty written text messages are absolutely fine, but sext photos is a whole other ballgame.
Nudes appear to be where Singapore ladies draw the line…unless you’re in a loving stable relationship. Then it’s all guns blazing. Some think it is okay to send nudes but IF the nude doesn’t show your face / reveal your identity and even then, it’s better to be exclusive with the guy first.
HOWEVER, if this exclusive loving relationship fails down the line, he has those bad boys saved on his phone and can do considerable damage to your rep. How many times do you think a relationship, once loving, has gone sour and the naked sexts have ended up being posted onto a social networking site and embarrassed the sendee no end? The answer is too many times.
If that isn’t enough, you also have to take into consideration when to send sexts. Say, you meet a hot guy and you’ve dated him twice and he sends a suggestive message that implies a sext response from you – worded or photo. Do you do it?
In the heat of the moment you want to, but what if he then, without thinking about it, has a different opinion of you because you were so willing to hand out the sexts like a free coupon. Yes, it may be a turn on (they are, we know they are) but if you’re after something serious will it ruin your chances to be seen as a respectful lady?
Oh and I must also add, it is actually an offense to own pornography. As told by lawyer Chia Boon Teck to TNP “whilst it is against the law to keep, distribute or sell pornographic materials under the Undesirable Publications Act and the Penal Code, the authorities have discretion on who deserves to be prosecuted and who deserves to be slapped on the wrist”.
With all of the above in mind, I decided to put together a much-needed sext guide for you all. Whilst it is always down to the individuals involved and very subjective, it seems the below tips will fair thee well on your path to true love, minus any horrifying social media sext shame.
1. Don’t send sexts from the get go
Ensure you know a fair bit about the dude first; I’d always give a 3 month rule to dating him before sending a sext. It ensures you have a connection first and he isn’t just a player after some mastubation material.
2. Only sext in context of the conversation
Don’t send a photo sext out of the blue, in response to his ‘Hi how was your lunch’ or something similar message. You have to have flirty chat going on first, otherwise you look a bit odd and very desperate.
3. Draw your own nude boundaries and stick to them
Don’t send a photo of you fully naked, or a ‘close up of the kitty’ unless you are 110% comfortable in your relationship. Men are very visual but they also want to discover things for themselves; they need to always be ‘chasing’ something.
4. Follow, don’t lead
Always feed off of him. If he’s keeping the flirty texts more on the casual side, you do the same. If he sends a photo of his ripped torso, then fair’s fair you can send a lingerie one back. But to ensure he definitely doesn’t view you as ‘easy’, let him lead.
5. Keep your sexts to one man at a time
Never send a sext to multiple numbers at one go. I had a handset once that could view all the numbers a photo image was sent to – I got sent a topless photo from a guy who I hadn’t even dated at that point and when I looked it was sent at the same time to another number, yuk (True story btw, how funny!).
6. Double check before you hit send
Don’t accidentally sext your family or colleagues. Always double check the recipient – I’ve heard of horror stories of people accidentally sending a sext to their mum. Awkward.
7. Protect your privacy with clever cropping
If you are unsure but feel a lil naughty, send a shot that excludes the head…that way, if he turns out to be a moron and the photo pops up in the facebook mini feed – you can always keep your 3D head held high and deny the 2D version was actually you. Score.