I met Patrick* when I was in my late 20s at a birthday party for a mutual friend, Julie*. We somehow ended up chatting while waiting for our respective taxis to arrive.
While I did find him pleasant company that night, I wasn’t massively attracted to him and would probably not have entertained him if there was someone else there that I knew. So I was quite surprised when he asked me for my phone number and suggested that we meet for coffee sometime.
I’m not proud of this, but I gave him a wrong number (I changed the last digit) and said that we’ll talk again another time. Three days later, Patrick rang me. I was shocked because I definitely wasn’t expecting that – I did give him the wrong number after all. He said that he got my number from Julie as he “obviously” made a mistake keying it into his phone. (I didn’t know whether to laugh at cry at this.) I didn’t want to be rude and tell him that I wasn’t interested – it would’ve been so much easier if he wasn’t so very nice – so I lied that I was travelling for work over the next two weeks and said maybe we could catch up after that.
Giving Him a Chance
Once he had hung up, I immediately rang Julie and chided her for giving Patrick my phone number. She assured me that he was a very nice guy and that I should give him a chance, so I left it at that.
Patrick rang three weeks later and suggested coffee again. Julie’s words echoed in my ears and I thought I should at least give him a chance. And guess what? Patrick was so pleasant and easy to talk to that I found myself warming up to him.
The more I got to know Patrick, the more I discovered that I had misjudged his character. Patrick is like no other man I have ever dated – and take my word for it when I say that I’ve dated a fair number of men in my time. The only issue: He told me that he only had one girlfriend before me. In turn, I lied that I only had a couple of relationships before him when the truth was I have had several boyfriends in my youth.
It was a year after we started hanging out that I realised we were getting serious. I was comfortable with him being my boyfriend but I sometimes wished that he was a bit more passionate. We do kiss and we have got a bit hot and heavy before, but we’ve never had actual sex. Patrick is quite old-fashioned and told me that he believes only married couples should have sex, which threw me off a fair bit.
Not Like a Virgin
And this is where my ‘problem’ lies – Patrick is a virgin and I am not. Which is okay, except he thinks I’m one, too. I’ve never thought much about this little white lie I told him at the start of our relationship until he proposed just over two years after we met.
I do love him and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him but I don’t think he’d trust me ever again if I told him the truth now. Patrick is a very ‘straight’ guy who values honesty above anything else and doesn’t like playing games – especially not when it comes to his relationships. It certainly is too late for me to confess to that whopper of a lie.
My fiancé is the calming influence I truly need in my life – although I didn’t know it at that time – and he’s the only man I’ve ever thought about settling down with. While I have had sex with previous boyfriends, I never had a relationship as fulfilling as the one I currently have with Patrick. He might not be the most ‘fun’ guy I’ve ever been with, but that isn’t as important as the stability and security that he gives me.
I’ve spent hours thinking about it and have decided that I won’t tell Patrick the truth. I don’t see my virginity as something that adds (or takes away) any value to me as a person, so I don’t personally see its relevance. I’m also confident that Patrick isn’t marrying me just because he thinks I’m a virgin, so the fact that I’m not one isn’t important.
It might have taken me a while to get around to loving Patrick, but I’m not going to confess to one silly lie just because there’s a chance that I might lose him as a result of it. We’re getting married in a few months and I’m looking forward to finally having sex with him. And yes, just for the record: I’ve also vowed to myself never to lie to him again.
*Names have been changed.