If you find it pretty easy to secure a first date but then there’s no follow-through, it’s probably how you’re behaving on the first date and thereafter.
Of course, sometimes people just don’t click, and that’s fair. You might find your interests too misaligned, or conversations too trying. There will also be times when you absolutely do not want to see him again, because his Tinder filtered profile was 8/10 but his real life image is more, erm, 3/10.
But if you constantly find yourself being ghosted after one date and you have no clue why, read on to gain some clarity.
1. Don’t have a first date in a club or cinema
The venue for your first date plays a huge part. Clubbing / meeting up in loud noisy bars may seem like a fun and easy choice, but they hardly allow you two to get to know each other. Also, they offer other options for wandering eyes — not quite what you want on your first tryst.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the cinema is the worst idea for a first date and yet ironically, quite a common choice. Sitting in silence in pitch black surrounded by other people isn’t going to to be a score for you, on any level.
2. Turn up to your first date on time
Punctuality says a lot about another person. It shows you have integrity, can keep to plans and that you hold the date in high regard to be on time. If you stroll in 15 to 30 minutes late, it doesn’t make him more intrigued — just more annoyed, to be honest.
3. Don’t dress inappropriately for the first date
Okay we firmly believe in self expression and feeling good about yourself, including your appearance, but there are some general rules to dressing for dates.
Men respect women more who leave a little to the imagination and who don’t feel the need to be overtly sexual. Basically, if you show up with your ladies showing in a plunging neckline, or worse, that paired wth a mini skirt, chances are, they’re only going to see you for one thing.
If you arrive dressed well and ‘nod’ towards sexy but still remain demure, you’re going to leave him wanting to see more, know more, be around you more.
Also, unless it’s a surprise date location, dress for the occasion. A walk along the beach front doesn’t need 9-inch platform heels. Nor does that 5-star restaurant mean sneakers and dungarees. Just saying.
4. Don’t overshare
It’s good to share bits about yourself, to show that you’re open, honest and have nothing to hide. That being said, letting him know your parents divorced when you were five and you had to have counselling at 10 and then your pet rabbit passed away at 16 which made you distraught… this is an overshare.
You need to share enough about yourself to show you’re interested, but hold enough back that leaves him interested to see you again.
5. Talk about your hobbies, interests and things you do beyond work
It’s easy to launch into a monologue about your work, seeing as that makes up most of your week. However, do remember to discuss things beyond this. It will make you come off as more well rounded — someone who isn’t defined just by their profession.
Talk about the latest movies, or what’s happening recently in the news. Or regale them with interesting stories about your travels. Anything works.
6. Listen to him and ask him questions
People love to be listened to. It’s human nature. So pay attention to the conversation and be interested in what he has to say. Follow-through with questions, observations and comments — but refrain from always going back to yourself. Nobody likes that. Craft a decent conversation in which he’ll walk away from feeling like he has connected with someone.
7. Do not open the ‘ex-files’
While yes, it’s good to be open and honest, that doesn’t mean you should spill the beans on all your exes and your existing emotional baggage. It’s way too soon for that kind of conversation and will, even subconsciously, make you both ‘judge’ each other on past experiences.
Leave this kind of talk for the future, if it gets there.
8. Leave your phone in your handbag, off the table
In the midst of modern day technology madness, being glued to your phone during a date is a no-go. To always be on text or social media during a conversation is a massive turn-off for someone. It’s plain rude, and shows that you’re not entirely invested or interested in where you are. It can even suggest you have an addiction to your smartphone and social media.
So go on, put your cell in your handbag where it belongs, and only respond to it for any emergencies.
9. Offer to pay half for bill, then graciously accept if he pays full
Isn’t this always a sticky topic? Whilst it is chivalrous for the man to pay the entire bill, he doesn’t really know you well yet and frankly, doesn’t owe you anything. Also, it’s the 21st century now — we women can hold our own, ain’t that right?
To leave a good impression and one that says ‘I’m happy bringing 50/50 to both this date and any future relationship’ when it comes to the bill, offer to pay half.
If he absolutely insists, you can follow through with a “Fine, but I’ll pick up the cheque on the next date” — a classy rebuttal that also hints that you’re interested in bringing this further and seeing him again.
10. Spend a lot of time talking via calls or texts before the second date
When it comes to a second date, whilst it may be something you’d want to embark on immediately, try to make it something he has to work for. Also, remember he would have sold the best version of himself to you on the first date, so spend time talking and texting before you get to the second date, to learn more about him. Observe his behaviour — does he text you a lot? Is he desperate to see you again? Has he asked for, *gulps* any sexts?
Take your time and relax into it — get to know the real him — and enjoy every moment.