From The Straits Times    |

I can’t remember a time when I was blatantly molested but I can definitely feel for women whose modesty has been violated. Recently, I conducted a poll on incidents of molest amongst 45 local women. And frankly, the results and comments from the respondents shocked me. 

Firstly, a whopping 60% were molested. The women recount their experiences:

“I was on an escalator in a mall. A guy stood directly behind me and placed his hand up my skirt and walked away quickly.”

“It was on a crowded bus. Before the doors closed, this old man pushed his way up, squeezed himself behind me, and pressed against my body. Not long after he boarded, I felt his "thing" pressing against my thighs. When I turned around to stare at him, he looked away. When I turned to face the front, he continued. I felt so dirty, I went home and cried in the shower. I was 13.”

“On the pretext of taking care of me on an amusement park ride, a family acquaintance hugged my chest very tightly and refused to let go even when I told him I felt uncomfortable and didn’t need him to hold onto me like this.”

Worse still, 93% of those molested did not report the incident to the police. Here’s why:

“I wasn’t sure if the guy’s action was intentional or not. I didn’t want to create a scene in case the guy denied it, making me look like I was creating a mountain out of a molehill. It’s also hard to prove that it happened unless it was witnessed by someone else. For that reason I would not report it to the authorities.”

“What can be done? Would the bus driver stop to assist while he is on a bus schedule? The perpetrator usually scoots away the next second you can react. What can the police do besides logging a report for you? In the end molestation seems to be considered a minor crime.”

“Molest is a double-edged sword: both times I was dressed rather provocatively and they could have turned around to say that I brought it upon myself.”

In the poll, I asked if any of the blame for the incident should be borne by the woman and I was appalled when 49% said “it depends”! Personally, I think that even if I were butt-naked, no one had the right to molest me! Nobody “asks” to be molested!

Here’s what some of the women said though: 

“It depends on the situation. If I got groped in a club while dancing with a stranger, I might get angry about it but at the end of the day I did ‘entertain’ his advances by dancing with him. Also, if I go out in public dressed like a skank, despite my mother nagging me to cover up more, and I get molested, then it’s partly my fault. I should have heeded her advice, right?"

“It depends. I have seen girls who send out the wrong signals. For instance, I once saw a girl allow a guy to hug her but she later complained that he touched her.”

“If a woman dresses to attract attention, she is responsible. You can liken it to a situation where an old woman is robbed because she wore too much gold jewellery.”

A majority thought there’s plenty that women can do to better protect themselves from molestation. I think that self-defence classes and not being afraid or embarrassed for reporting a molester is key. Here’s what the other women say: 

“Molesters need to know that they cannot get away with it, and it starts with us women being stronger and more outspoken against such crimes.”

“However sexy you want to look, you have to project a confident, don’t mess with me demeanour. Otherwise, unfortunately, some men might think it reflects your value system – that you are ok with physical contact from strangers etc. and that your dressing is an invitation.”

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The following excerpt was first published in the March issue of Her World. It provides useful tips on what you should do if and when you are molested.

Victim no more

The Siloso Beach countdown party molest sent shivers down our spines. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

1) Be prepared. Rehearse in your head what you might do in such situations. Would you grab his arm or pull out your phone to snap a picture? Always being ready will hone your reflexes so you can think quickly and react fast. 

2) If you’re in a crowded place, make a scene. "Fight back, scream, do whatever to make it clear to the perpetrator that his behaviour is unwanted," says Corrina Lim, lawyer and executive director of the Association of Women for Action and Research. "In calling attention to yourself, you will also be getting witnesses."

3) Gather evidence. If you manage to nab the guy take down his name, IC number and address. If the molester escapes, ask the service staff if they recognise him – he might be a regular. Approach bystanders and ask if they are willing to testify, then get their contact details. 

4) Make a police report. Make sure you bring along all the evidence when going to the police station. 

5) Consider pressing charges. You will need the molester’s name, IC number and address to bring charges against him with the help of the lawyer.

For more information on what you should do when you are molested, call the AWARE helpline at 1800-774 5935.