Look, here’s the deal. One of the very best things about being in a relationship is the physical intimacy you enjoy with your partner. Obviously, this becomes an issue when you’re in a long-distance relationship. But no, it’s not the end of the world if the both of you are worlds apart. Try these tips on for size:
Create A Schedule
Okay, compartmentalising stuff doesn’t sound romantic, but you have to be practical when you’re in a long-distance relationship. You’ll possibly be dealing with different time zones, so decide on how often you’ll speak to each other (20 minutes a day, perhaps?) and stick to this timetable as closely as you can. Prioritise this precious window of time and swap things round in your own life if you have to.
Set Some Rules
Get your expectations out in the open right from the start. Be crystal clear about the level of commitment expected of each other while you’re apart. So, if you feel like you MUST talk to him every single day, tell him that so that he isn’t taken by surprise if you throw a hissy fit when he misses a call. Figure out what works for both of you to get the optimum level of connection and intimacy.
Get A Life
Don’t spend your weekends squirrelled away in bed, pining over him and stalking him on Instagram. Do things you enjoy on your own, as you can’t be too dependent on him (or indeed, anyone) when it comes to brightening up your day. It can also be overwhelming for him if he knows you’re spending all your non-working hours wishing he were with you in person – he’s probably just as miserable as you are, and doesn’t need this extra pressure on your end.
Don’t Be Too Serious
Don’t spend every conversation telling him how much you miss him. Nothing good is going to come out of moaning about how difficult it is to be in a long-distance relationship. Instead, share mundane day-to-day details as if he were right there with you – you can tell him about how your colleague came up with the worst idea in today’s brainstorming session; or how you’ve stumbled upon the best new char kway teow stall in your neighbourhood.
See Each Other
Visit each other as often as possible; this would depend on the distance as well as your schedules and finances, obviously. As much as technology has made it easy to stay connected, don’t conduct a relationship based on video calls and messages alone (otherwise, you might as well be dating an avatar). You need to be physically present too, if only to see if the spark is still there. Surprise visits sound romantic but you have to know your partner’s schedule well – you don’t want to show up unannounced only to find out he’ll be busy with prepping for an important presentation at work. And when you do visit, set aside quality time for just the two of you, but do other ‘normal’ relationship things too, such as hanging out with each other’s friends and picnicking at the park.
Do more than just talk to each other. Watch something online at the same time and discuss it as if you were spending a night in together in front of the tellie. Or go for a walk while you have him on a video call so it feels like he’s right there with you. Think of creative ways that will make your partner feel more a part of your life.
Have A Goal
If you live in different countries (as opposed to one of you just being posted elsewhere for a while), you have to discuss serious issues such as what you ultimately want to get out of this relationship. Will one of you have to move eventually? How long until this happens? It’s not all about missing each other and having creative phone sex – you shouldn’t skirt around the serious issues, too.
And finally, it can be very draining to be in a long-distance relationship, so you need the right attitude to survive it. Don’t give up at the first obstacle and always keep an eye on your end goal, whatever that may be. Stay positive and there’s a higher chance that you’ll get through it just fine. Good luck!