Let’s just be honest with ourselves, being cheated on is absolutely soul destroying. Whether you’ve been together for the long haul or still fresh, it hurts like there’s no tomorrow (you might even actually feel like there will be no tomorrow). There are no words to describe the pain, and only those who have been cheated on can grasp the emotional and physical damage it causes.
You inevitably look back on your relationship and, once realising what was going on, dwell on the lies and abuse of your trust. It makes you feel sick to your throat. If you love this person more than anything, the reveal of the cheat is devastating. You can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t concentrate at work, can’t stop crying and you probably can’t even bring yourself to brush your hair or put makeup on. Yeah, I’ve been there too.
Unfortunately, unless you’re strong enough to forgive him and move on together, the act of cheating will have ruined the relationship. It’s over. The trust is broken and just like a shattered mirror…it can never be fixed to the way it used to be. Some women find the willpower to forgive the adultery and continue in the relationship, but most are too distraught and damaged to do so.
So not only are you left with non-existent trust and a broken heart (probably also some broken belongings too) you’re also left with a new ‘single’ status and a breakup to endure.
Thanks dude you lying little waste of space.
Whilst wallowing in self pity is the first port of call and we DO encourage this for a few days after the event (crying is cathartic after all), it is not productive to getting over being cheated on. The aim of the game here is to try heal your broken heart as quickly as possible so you can go out and smile your way through life again.
I know right now it feels like the end of the world. I know it hurts to sleep, eat or even think. But if you try adhere to the below tips, you will get over this a lot faster than you ever thought possible.
Stop talking to him immediately
Of course you want to continue contact. You want answers, explanations and heck…you just want a row. Also, if we’re honest with ourselves, you probably still miss him and crave that intimacy and attention your relationship gave you. But none of this is helping you move on. You don’t need an explanation – the bottom line is, the dude cheated. Whatever reason he has to justify it does not, ever, justify it. Cutting contact with him is the first step to getting over what he’s done. No more calls, texts, whatsapps or social dms. Stop.
Delete him off social media
This leads us nicely on from the cutting of contact – you need to delete him off all your social media. Pouring through his Instagram account during the early hours is only hurting you. Plus, you’re bound to become that obsessive stalker – scrutinising every like or comment or hunting down the girl he cheated with. This is never ever going to help and, to be honest, it’s pretty unhealthy all round. Avoid the urge to stalk by removing him off all of your social media platforms. Do it, right now.
Bag up all of his belongings
Sure, you loved wearing his tee to bed. Yes, it’s 100% cotton and comfy. But this along with everything else he left needs to be put away. Far away…preferably at the back of the storage cupboard. Anything that reminds you of him will only bring back the happy memories which will make you sad, or, remind you of what he’s done which will make you even sadder. It’s a lose-lose situation so bag all of his belongings up and either deliver them back to him or store far away. Or, if you really hate him – bin the lot. We won’t judge you.
Stop the blame game
It’s so easy to blame yourself in this scenario, particularly if you’re madly in love with the man. Blaming yourself will make it easier for you to forgive him and will thus make him still appear like that knight in shining armour you once believed him to be. Stop right there. Whatever thought process you’re dealing with, you need to understand one thing. Cheating is an ACTIVE choice and YOU are not to blame. If you really were a girlfriend sent from the underworld, then he could have been a man and left the relationship with the respect it deserves. Cheating is never an okay option. You are not to blame.
Don’t become a hermit and forget personal hygiene
Okay so this is an extreme but, it’s so easy to lock ourselves away when we’re emotionally damaged. Going into hiding is the easiest option and the safest way to continue your ‘my life as I know it is over’ mentality. You have no energy to wash, to go to work or to cook anything beyond cereal. Yes, whilst we do want you to spend time being ‘sad’ to get it out of your system, there’s only so much rom-com watching we can support until we remove the tissues and your butt from the sofa. You need to give yourself a time limit (a week is okay) to wallow in this, then you get the hell up and start your life again.
Do not take him back
To take Taylor Swift as a life quote right now, youuuuu are never ever ever getting back together. Like ever. These beginning steps are going to be when you miss him the most. You’re in pain and, short term, having him wrapped around you will ease it. But this relationship is, alas, broken. He broke it. You can’t go back to a man who doesn’t respect you and who cannot be trusted. He has proven both of these points the day he cheated. You deserve to be loved wholly – this includes complete trust and loyalty from the other person. You cannot take him back and trust me, he will try his best to crawl back. Stand firm and shut the door.
Pamper yourself…just because
Your trust has been broken and so has your confidence along with it. It’s easy to feel like you’re not worthy of love once the person you thought loved you does the dirty. However, as you’ve stopped the blame game and recognised the fault lies with him and not you, you are now free to accept your awesomeness. We recommend you give yourself a whole day of pampering, for no other reason except you deserve it. Hair, nails, face masks…why not book yourself a massage too! Make sure you’re left feeling like you’re on top of the world – this is the new you that you’re ready to embrace!
Fill all of your time with awesome stuff
Now, here’s the fun bit. You will find that, minus the ball and chain, you have so much spare time on your hands. Rather than seeing this as a negative, turn it around and see it as a HUGE positive! You finally have all this spare time to go discover who you really are. You can literally do what you want, whenever you want. Go to the Gardens by the Bay and wander, or head to Botanical Gardens and absorb the nature. Or, stay in and read that book you’ve never finished. Join a dance club. Take up yoga. Go on that girl’s night out. Whatever it is you want to do…just do it. You’re free, single and ready to mingle.
Say yes to that coffee date
Oh hello cute guy who’s started talking to you. Does he want to meet up for coffee? Maybe he’s a friend of a friend or an old work colleague who has suggested to hang out again…whoever he is, say yes. YES. We know you’re apprehensive and dating again can seem so scary, but the only way to get back out there is to just say yes. The date might be horrific, it might be hilarious or it might be magical. But there’s only one way you’re going to find out, right?
This is my favourite point. Whatever happened to cause the cheating incident and whatever happened afterwards (yes, you threw his phone on the floor, we know) you have to remember to love yourself. Holding your head up high and knowing you deserve so much more will be the main part that pushes you to get over this. You are an awesome human and if he couldn’t see that, then it really is his loss. As cliche as that sounds!
Go on, go be you.
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