I pride myself on being a gentleman. I was raised by a perfect gentleman – my father. Not once have I ever heard him swear or speak down to women. He stands up when a woman gets up from the table and he pushes their chair in for them when they return. Opening doors is a given, and the list goes on and on.
I’ve always admired the level of respect he shows women and I’ve tried to emulate it in my life because these are easy things to do and don’t cost you a thing.
However, my generation is different and the generation after me even more so. Perhaps it’s because the women are different, for better or for worse.
It seems now that when you perform acts of chivalry they are regarded as signs of desperation. Guys have learned that playing hard to get is the way to go, which means keeping your kind words and gestures at bay. Think I’m lying?
Guys, the next time you’re out with a girl try opening her car door and see how she reacts. I’m willing to bet that it will get a laugh, or a follow-up question of why.
Ladies, how often does your significant other hold the umbrella or take the side closest to the street when walking? Or the biggest indication of all, properly introduce you to people you run into together?
These acts of chivalry, for the most part, are dead. So what’s left? Apparently, it’s buying a girl a drink.
Back in the day, my friends and I had this rule: never buy a girl you don’t know a drink. It’s a fantastic rule. Not only does it take away the implication that you’re trying to get a girl drunk, it also eliminates the girls that fish for free drinks.
Oh yes, the “free drink” girls. The girls that expect the guy to pay for everything, just because he’s a guy; and if you don’t buy them a drink, you’re deemed cheap and rude.
It’s not just the “free drink” girls that ruin this once kind gesture; it’s also the shady guys.
There are plenty of guys out there that intentionally get girls drunk in order to take advantage of them. To me, that’s the worst of the worst. But ladies, you have complete control of the situation. Just say, “No thank you”.
So where does this leave a guy like me? Well, I’ve made up a few new rules should I choose to buy a girl a drink:
Rule #1: No expectations. Whether I buy a girl a drink, or dinner or a weekend getaway to Bali, there are no expectations.
Rule #2: She must buy the next round. Any girl that goes round for round, and pays, is a keeper.
Rule #3: After two drinks, get a water. This is just a good idea in general.
Rule #4: If she is out with her friends, buy them a round too. It’s not kind to single someone out. Trust me, her friends will appreciate it.
Rule #5: Don’t buy a girl a drink before talking to her first. You’ll be surprised by what you can learn in just a few minutes and how much that can affect your decision to continue talking.
Ladies, if you aren’t interested in the guy, reject the drink. Trust me, it’s nicer to do that than to take it. Not only are you leading someone on if you do, but you’re turning into one of the free drink girls that perpetuate stereotypes. More importantly it will keep you out of sticky situations.
Case in point: One night I was at a bar talking to a girl (that I was interested in) and her friend, and there was this other guy next to us who kept buying them drinks. Champagne, martinis, shots, you name it; and they kept taking them.
At the end of the night he tried to take one of the girls home. Shocker, I know, but it turned out that she wasn’t interested. It ended with me almost getting into an altercation because the other guy wouldn’t get out of her cab.
In my eyes they both were in the wrong. She shouldn’t have led him on and he shouldn’t have assumed that drinks equal sex. These situations are avoidable.
Gentlemen, do yourselves a favour and try to follow the rules I mentioned above, and you’ll see that it’ll save you both time and money.
The writer is a man-about-town in Singapore, and likes spicy ice-cream, pig Latin and long walks off short piers. He will regularly be bringing us a guy’s perspective on love and relationships.