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Let’s be real, sex can get awkward. And if your man doesn’t connect with you in bed, both of you will feel it.

Well, it’s time for you to take on a more proactive stand when it comes to matters in the bedroom. Here’s what you can do to let your partner know exactly what you want.

1. Show him what you want

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Some women are just too shy to be direct about what they want in bed. The way around this is to show your partner what you’re thinking and feeling.

For instance, if you want him to touch a specific part of your body, guide his hand towards that area. If you want him to move faster during sex, move your hips faster so he understands that that’s the speed you desire.

At the same time, if he’s doing something you don’t like or that isn’t turning you on, gently move his hand or mouth away.     


2. Don’t complain, try positive reinforcement instead

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When we point out what we don’t want or don’t like, it’s easy to sound like we’re complaining. How many of us are guilty of telling our guy: “You don’t spend enough time on foreplay” or “You don’t pay enough attention to me during sex”?

But such statements sound accusatory. When your man hears them, he can’t help but feel like he is doing something wrong – or isn’t doing enough.

What should you do? Focus on what he’s doing right and use positive reinforcement. For example, if you wish he were more attentive during sex, you could say something like: “I feel close to you when we make love, but I’d really like it if you kissed and caressed me more – that would make me feel so much more connected to you.”

When you put it that way, your guy will be motivated to give you more of what makes you feel good.


3. Be bold and direct – don’t mince your words

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There’s no room for vagueness when it comes to sex. Being straightforward works much better.

If you’d like your partner to initiate sex more often, don’t say: “Why am I always the one who has to initiate sex?” If you want more kissing, cuddling and talking after making love, don’t say: “We don’t kiss, cuddle or talk after having sex.”

Instead, ask for it to happen. But remember not make your request sound like an order. Think about what you’re going to say beforehand, and always be respectful.   

4. Whisper sexy suggestions into his ear

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Your guy will be even more eager to give you what you want in bed if you made your request sound sexy.

Phrases whispered sexily into his ear, like: “Do more of that, I love it!”, “That feels so good, can you move your hand just a little lower?” and “This is driving me wild – please don’t stop!” are guaranteed to get him super-excited and ever-willing to please.   


5. Describe what you want as a sexy dream

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Perhaps you want to try something that’s a little risque and you don’t know how your guy is going to take it. If you described your request as part of a sexy dream, he might just be open to fulfilling it.

So for instance, if you want to introduce role-playing into the bedroom, you could say something like: “I had a dream where I was all dressed up like your fantasy woman, and we had the most incredible sex. It would be so cool if we could act that dream out sometime”.


6. Make some noise

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If your guy is doing what you like and you want him to do more of it, sometimes you needn’t say anything at all. Instead, just moan or sigh with pleasure. Not only will that encourage him to keep doing whatever he’s doing, it also sounds extremely sexy and will take his (and your) arousal to new heights.

Moaning can sound fake if it’s not your thing or you aren’t used to it, so only try it if you’re feeling confident. A few well-placed “mmms”, “oohs” and “aahs” are all you need to let him know not to stop.     


7. Write him a sexy message


If you have something in mind that you’d like to try when you get home, describe it to your man in a text message or write him a sexy note and leave it some place where you know he’ll find it.

Be as graphic and specific as you please – especially if you can’t bring yourself to vocally describe in detail what you want. Another bonus of sending a sexy text or note to your guy in the middle of the day: it’ll get him excited and  thinking about you long before you see each other.