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Q: Is it problematic that my partner watches porn often?

How often is often? A little porn never hurt anyone. But these days, with the buffet of internet porn available, a little can become a lot really quickly. And it can become problematic, giving people a skewed sense of what relationships and sex are supposed to be. Have a chat with your partner and see if you can convince them to at least cut back on the porn. It’s not just for you, but for them too. Living in a porn-saturated world isn’t normal, and cutting it out can make your sex lives better and more fulfilling.

Q: How do I talk to my new boyfriend about the dating apps still on his phone?

I suggest you say something like: “Hey, Dick (even if his name isn’t Richard, I suggest you call him Dick in this instance), if you’re my boyfriend, why do you still have dating apps on your phone?!” This is a completely fair question to ask. And he had better give you a good answer – perhaps he was in a coma and woke up, and was about to delete them, because other than that, there is no good reason to keep his dating apps. Hopefully, it’s just him slowly letting go of bachelorhood, and he’ll happily delete them to concentrate on being with you. But if he doesn’t, feel free to call him Dick again right before you tell him to hit the road.

Men feel the pressure too

The stereotype that women stress over the idea of permanent singlehood, while men are happy to careen from video games to football to the bar until they die of old age isn’t correct.

Guys feel just as much pressure to be in a relationship as girls, though they might just have an easier time hiding it with the aforementioned activities. But nobody really wants to be alone. Even people who prefer solitude want to have someone to come back to. Being together and having that understanding isn’t a man or woman thing – it’s a human thing.

We spend our entire lives trying to fit in. We find cliques and clubs, religious groups and political parties; we follow sports teams or identify as fans of film and pop culture – all because we want to relate to others with similar interests and wants. We all want to be understood on some level.

However, seeking companionship doesn’t necessarily mean seeking a romantic relationship. The traditional idea of a spouse doesn’t need to be the answer for curing alienation. A few good friends, or very close family, and even just one of these people, can be all it takes. Male or female, everyone craves close, fulfilling relationships. Whether you find that with a spouse or with a friend who loves Spider-Man as much as you do, don’t sweat it – either works.

This story first appeared in the February 2022 issue of Her World.