Q: My husband is the nicest, kindest, sweetest man I know, but this WFH period has made me realise that he can be quite a tool at work. I’ve heard him talk over others during meetings, assign blame, and speak condescendingly to his colleagues. Should I talk to him about it?
It is a bit touchy to butt in on how your husband deals with his colleagues, but if he’s being quite the “tool”, then maybe you should say something, because no one wants to be a tool. One of the best advice I’d ever read was: Always assume that everyone is trying their best. The idea is that if someone is trying hard but failing, it’s harder to get angry at them. Maybe share this idea with him, and also recognise that your husband is trying his best too, and is probably hitting a wall – that’s why he’s frustrated. But do let him know, and maybe that’ll make him rethink his behaviour.
Q: My partner believes that shampoo works as a face wash too, but that’s not doing any favours for his skin! How do I coax him into using a proper facial cleanser?
I had a friend in university who thought he had an STD because his groin was crazy itchy. When he went to the doctor, he found out that there was no STD – he had just been washing his groin with anti- dandruff shampoo ASK JAY Got a relationship problem? Jason Godfrey, our resident guy expert, is here to help. for months and it was wreaking havoc on his man bits. Shampoo is made for hair, and he needs to understand that the formula might be too strong his face. Maybe just put some facial cleanser in the shower for him, and also share my friend’s STD story. Maybe it’ll strike a nerve.
Why won’t he change?
Change is notoriously hard. This is doubly true in a relationship. And expecting change from your man to happen on its own is like asking for the moon. Actually, both men and women can be pretty stubborn when it comes to admitting fault. It’s human nature. Telling people they need to change is a really good way to get them to dig their heels in and cement their ways. Then, everybody loses.
If you are having problems in your relationship and want change to happen, then you need to address the issue from your POV, as well as his. Say you’re having issues with arguing and want him to change. You also have to realise that the arguments are likely not happening just because of him. You share some responsibility too. Start a dialogue about what the both of you can do to avoid the arguments – and listen. By listening, you can take the first step to create change and, in doing so, invite him to also change his behaviour.
In short, if you want your partner to change, be willing to change yourself first, and try to meet each other in the middle, After all, relationships are about both sides compromising, and not just having one side dictating the change. That’s dictatorship – and those don’t usually end well.