From The Straits Times    |

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Even if you enjoy having sex, there may be occasions where doing it just feels impossible. Some mental and physical illnesses can make it hard for you to feel sexually desirable or to even desire sex or have an orgasm. Fortunately, medication, therapy or counselling, and lifestyle changes can help turn your non-existent sex life around. If you suffer from any of these seven conditions, there is hope.

(1) Depression

It’s one thing to feel down and not be in the mood for sex. But if you suffer from depression – a serious psychological condition characterised by periods of overwhelming sadness – then you may find yourself with absolutely no desire to even connect with your partner, let alone have sex with him. Depression can stem from genetic factors and certain medications and medical conditions. It can also be triggered by trauma, financial problems and life stressors.

What to do: Your first priority should be to manage your depression, whether it’s through counselling, with medication or by making lifestyle changes. Speak to your doctor for advice. The next thing is let your partner know how you feel, and that it’s the depression that’s making you not feel like having sex. It’s important for him to not take this news personally. While you may have no mood for sex, you may still be okay to kiss, cuddle, or connect with your man in other sexual ways (like through oral sex or mutual masturbation). Discuss these alternatives with your partner and go with whatever you’re most comfortable with.

(2) Anxiety

Anxiety can affect your sex life in a number of ways. When your mind is filled with worry, it makes it nearly impossible to focus on your partner and enjoy the pleasure that you’re experiencing. Anxiety is also emotionally draining – this can make you feel fatigued. Plus, as it causes stress it can mess with your hormones, causing vaginal dryness and making it hard for you to feel aroused.

What to do: Anxiety can be managed with medication, counselling, and lifestyle changes like exercise and relaxation techniques. Ask your doctor for suggestions on how you can get your anxiety under control. Discussing the issue with your man is important to help him understand what you’re experiencing. While you may explore other ways to be intimate with each other, it’s useful to know that sex can help relieve anxiety – so it might be a good idea to just do it.

(3) Chronic stress

Prolonged, severe stress is a sex-drive killer. When you’re emotionally weighed down by work, family commitments, financial pressures and other issues, it’s hard to feel relaxed or be present in the moment, which is important when you’re trying to connect with your man. Your body reacts to stress in various ways, among them, releasing hormones like cortisone and epinephrine, which can further decrease your desire for sex. And chronic stress can drain you physically, leaving you with little energy to enjoy sex.

What to do: Get to the root cause of your stress. If your job is taking too much out of you, it’s up to you to strike a healthy balance between your work commitments and your personal life. If your financial situation is stressing you out, it’s time to get that aspect of your life in order. At the same time, try to manage your stress with exercise, meditation, or other relaxing activities.

(4) Hormonal imbalance

Hormones, such as oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone all affect female sexual desire and functioning. So when the levels of these hormones are out of balance in your body, your libido will certainly be affected. Testosterone, for example, is known as the hormone of sexual desire. Together with oestrogen, it contributes to a woman’s ability to become aroused and to orgasm. Pregnancy and breastfeeding can mess with your hormones. So too, can certain medical conditions like fibroids, endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome and thyroid imbalance.

What to do: If you do indeed have a hormonal imbalance, discuss treatment options – like hormone therapy – with your doctor. If you prefer not to undergo treatment, certain lifestyle changes, such as stress management, exercise or diet adjustments can help. 

(5) Vaginismus

Vaginismus doesn’t interfere with sexual arousal, but it can trigger anxiety every time you attempt intercourse, or it can put you off having sex altogether. This rare condition describes the involuntary tightening of the vagina when your partner tries to penetrate you. It’s painful but certainly nothing to be ashamed of. The condition has been linked to emotional factors and past sexual abuse and trauma, and it’s also known to be triggered by childbirth, surgery, and certain medical conditions.

What to do: If painful sex is getting you down or preventing you from having sex to begin with, speak to your doctor about treatment options, which usually consists of a combination of counselling, education, and Kegel exercises. In the meantime, kissing, cuddling, oral sex, mutual masturbation and using sex toys can help you maintain intimacy with your guy,

(6) Genital infections

Thrush, also known as candidiasis, urinary tract infection, and sexually transmitted disease may all cause a drop in your sex drive. These infections can cause a range of problems, like pain or discomfort during sexual intercourse, as well as vaginal dryness, which can prevent you from having satisfying sex.

What to do: If your doctor has diagnosed you with a genital infection, ask her to recommend the appropriate treatment. Some infections, like thrush, are treatable with anti-fungal creams and/or oral medication, while others, like genital herpes, may be harder to cure because the virus that causes it tends to remain in the body. Depending on the infection and the treatment you’re undergoing, mutual masturbation and having oral sex might not be possible until the infection fully clears up. In the meantime, kissing and cuddling are great ways to bond with your man.

(7) Diabetes

A decrease in libido is common in people who suffer from Type 2 diabetes. This is because diabetes is associated with extreme fatigue, a lack of energy, vaginal dryness due to hormonal changes, and a higher risk or urinary tract infections, which can make sex painful and uncomfortable. If their disease is poorly managed, female diabetics may also suffer from diabetic neuropathy, a type of nerve damage associated with diabetes. This problem affects the body’s nerve network, causing a loss of sensation in the genitals and affecting one’s ability to orgasm.

What to do: Hormone-replacement therapy can help with issues like low sex drive and vaginal dryness. A good-quality lubricant can also be used to deal with vaginal dryness. Speak to your doctor to discuss the best treatment option. If fatigue is stopping you from having or enjoying sex, try doing it when you’re not too tired, like first thing in the morning, for instance.

And remember to eat a diabetic-friendly diet and to exercise regularly – these positive lifestyle habits can help get your diabetes under control, leaving you with more energy to do what you love, including have sex.

Want more relationship advice and sex-related tips and tricks? Head to www.herworldplus.com/celebs-men-sex.