TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR SEX LIFE
Make the first move; don’t just wait for him to initiate sex. Also, a bold display of power will turn him on as it appeals to his instinctive desire to be taken care of. And when a woman takes charge, there’s an interesting shift in dynamics that may even increase her libido.

FROM THE GREAT LOVER PLAYBOOK: 365 SEXUAL TIPS AND TECHNIQUES TO KEEP THE FIRES BURNING ALL YEAR LONG BY LOU PAGET
This is well organised and fun to read, and has plenty of tips to help couples reach deeper levels of intimacy by learning how to really please each other.
– Dr Martha Stanley, sexpert for www.smartdiva online.com

THIS SUMS IT UP
“It is an ongoing resistance to the message that marriage is serious, more work than play; and that passion is for teenagers and the immature. We must unpack our ambivalence about pleasure, and challenge our pervasive discomfort with sexuality… Complaining of sexual boredom is easy and conventional. Nurturing eroticism in the home is an act of open defiance.”

FROM MATING IN CAPTIVITY BY ESTHER PEREL
It makes you rethink what you know. You learn something new in every chapter, from sex to love, and relationships. There are themes like adventure vs captivity, intimacy vs sex, parenthood, fidelity and eroticism.
–Dr Martha Lee, clinical sexologist and owner of Eros Coaching

TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT
Communication, both inside and outside the bedroom, is key to a healthier sex life. Also, it’s important to make time for sex. Stop procrastinating, stop compartmentalising, and don’t wait for the urge to hit or the perfect life to fall into place. There are many reasons to not have sex, so list down the things that make sex great and plan for it every other day or once a week, at the very least. Generally, couples who plan for sex have more of it, as the more sex they’re having, the more they’ll want it. Recent memories are a powerful stimulant for a reenactment.

FROM REAL SEX FOR REAL WOMEN: INTIMACY, PLEASURE & SEXUAL WELLBEING BY LAURA BERMAN
This delves deep into the topic of sex. Berman says to have great sex, a woman needs to first understand what real sex means and what it’s all about, be confident about her body, set realistic expectations for her sex life and learn to maximise pleasure.
– Dr Stanley

GREAT SEX REQUIRES VARIETY.
Take your time to enjoy each other, let go of your inhibitions and enjoy the moment.

FROM 1001 NIGHTS OF PASSION AND PLEASURE BY ELEANOR MCKENZIE & LINDA SONNTAG
Like a sex manual with a difference, this lists everything you need for a night of passion – like great seduction or foreplay ideas, even illustrating an erotic position for even more imaginative sex. If you’re looking for a visual guide to better sex, this is it!
–Dr Lee

MASTER THE STROKES AND COMBINATIONS.
While there’s nothing wrong with performing the same winning technique, it’s good to experiment with as many combinations as possible. Ask him what he likes and find his “secret” spot. The sooner you discover what makes your man tick, the better for the both of you. More importantly, keep a consistent rhythm and don’t rush through the act.

FROM THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO FELLATIO: HOW TO GO DOWN ON A MAN AND GIVE HIM MIND-BLOWING PLEASURE BY VIOLET BLUE
It teaches women to give skilled and unforgettable oral pleasure, and to learn to enjoy it too.
– Dr Stanley

BE MORE SELF- INDULGENT
Stop negative thoughts and allow for role-play.

FROM THE ART OF THE QUICKIE BY JOEL D. BLOCK
This coaches you on the ins-and-outs of having rewarding but quick sex. Sex doesn’t always have to be a feast where you need to schedule time or get romantic first. Who says you can’t have quick, satisfying snacks anytime, anywhere?
–Dr Lee

This article was originally published in Simply Her March 2010.