Most women can tell when their relationship is about to end. They find themselves arguing or fighting a lot more with their guy, they’ve stopped spending time together as a couple, they’ve stopped talking to each other altogether, or they notice that, for some reason, their heart just isn’t in the relationship anymore. All these are very good reasons to think about where you’re headed with your guy. Is it time to call it quits on your relationship? Or are these problems a sign that you need to work things out and try to save what you have?
But, besides a lack of communication and emotional incompatibility, a lousy sex life is also a sign that your relationship is doomed.
Sex is an important component of a romantic and committed relationship, says Vanessa Marin, a sex and relationship therapist from San Francisco. More than just a physical act, it is an opportunity for couples to connect emotionally and express their love for each other. It can help bring two people in love even closer together and give them the chance to share an intimate bond that cannot be experienced elsewhere or with anybody else.
According to Vanessa, here are five signs that you may need to re-think your relationship, based on the kind of sex you are having – or not having. Sure, sex isn’t everything, but if this part of your relationship is suffering, it’s fair to say that things aren’t going too well in other areas. In fact, an unhealthy – or a non-existent – sex life is a pretty good indication that, unless the problem is addressed, you and your man are headed for Splitsville.
1. YOU’VE NEVER HAD GREAT SEX
You and your guy get along really well and have a lot in common, but your sex life is blah. There is no real chemistry when you’re in bed together, and you’ve even found yourself making excuses to avoid getting intimate with him. You can’t remember the last time you went, “Whoa, that was great!” after a sexy night with your man, either. “Too many couples stay in relationships where there isn’t any sexual compatibility,” says Vanessa. “You have to be willing to walk away from a relationship if the two of you have never been on the same page about sex.”
2. YOUR PARTNER MOCKS OR BELITTLES YOUR SEXUAL INTERESTS
You have certain sexual preferences. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you like making love in the shower or wearing sexy lingerie for your man before getting intimate. But every time you suggest doing what turns you on, your man shoots you down. This is not right, says Vanessa. “Our desires are a central part of who we are as human beings. You deserve to have a partner who respects yours, and who is giving and generous.” If your man rolls over and goes straight to sleep after sex but without satisfying you, that’s also a definite sign of a selfish lover. You deserve better, girl!
3. YOU DON’T LIKE DOING THE SAME THINGS IN BED
Just as you need to have some shared interests outside of the bedroom, you need to be interested in the same activities inside of the bedroom. For instance, if you love extended foreplay but your man prefers to cut to the chase, you are probably not getting your sexual needs met. And if this is the case, how can you have a fulfilling sex life?
4. YOUR MAN REFUSES TO TALK ABOUT SEX
Yes, sex is a tricky subject, but sexual communication is vital in any healthy relationship. If something about your sex life is bugging you and your partner refuses to discuss the issue or even try to understand where you’re coming from, then you’ve definitely got a problem on your hands.
5. YOU’VE STOPPED HAVING SEX
Every long-term relationship goes through occasional ruts, but not having sex is a huge sign that your relationship may be on the brink, says Vanessa. If you have not done it with your man for weeks or even months, it’s important to ask yourself why. And if one or both of you doesn’t seem perturbed that your sex life is non-existent, it might be time to question if you’re right for each other.
If you’re concerned about your relationship, read our 4 ways to make sure your relationship survives when you’re too busy at work or if you’re not sure where you stand with your man read our 5 reasons you should have “the talk” about defining your relationship.
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