Just “seeing where things go” may sound like an adventure. Casual and spontaneous, this is basically dating on easy mode. While the appeal of not labelling your relationship is undeniable, this may ultimately lead to difficult situations and unintended ramifications on your love life.
1. The “Was that out of line?”
Not defining a relationship means no boundaries. You may find the person you’re “dating” doing something you think errs on the side of inappropriate, and you’ll have no right to get angry about it. No matter how cool you think your “arrangement” is, you’ll end up losing your cool, with no way to express it to anyone without them telling you, “Well, you guys weren’t actually dating.”
2. The “Is he/she seeing someone else?”
You will wonder where your relationship is going, and whether the other person is comfortable with how things are or wants to take it a step further. Relationships come with security and assurance – you know that you’re in it together. Not defining things means you’ll always be worried that the person you’re somewhat dating sees things between the two of you as being a lot more casual than it actually is.
3. The “What are you doing?”
Your friends are going to ask you that question, because just seeing where things go isn’t an ideal situation. If you’re the impressionable kind, be prepared to eventually succumb to your friends’ incessant interrogations and pressure, only to end up wanting labels and a real relationship. However, you’ll worry about reneging on your word and appearing pushy. Trust me – this is a lot more confusion and trouble than it’s worth.
4. The “How do I propose defining the relationship?”
Be careful when you prolong casual dating – you will feel so comfortable with your current state that there’ll be no impetus to define the relationship. The two of you will experience inertia when it comes to popping the question. After all, there was never a need to. This also necessarily means your relationship cannot progress any further. When you find yourself already straying into relationship territory, it’s better to just proposition the person you’re seeing.
5. The “Is he/she the right one?
Casual dating doesn’t allow you to determine how this other person functions under the responsibility of commitment to a relationship. You won’t be able to tell if he/she is future husband/wife material.
Not labelling your relationship may be really fun and exciting – after all, you’re treading carefree land! However, if you expect to experience protracted casual dating, it’s not going to work. You’ll gradually begin to want something more. By then, you’ll be in a dilemma: Is it too late to ask? Should I ask at all? We’re comfortable with where we are. If you like someone, take the leap sooner, rather than later!
This article was originally published on LunchClick’s blog. LunchClick is Singapore’s first female-centric dating app, find out more here.