Dating in the age of technology can be difficult, but it can be a little bit easier if you know what to look out for, what could be a deal breaker and what could be a deal breaker for you. Some dating mistakes are pretty self-explanatory, like never insult your date even if you are rejected, but others might surprise you — especially if they’re habits you might do that you don’t even realise might put off people you’ve just met.
We spoke to some of Lunch Actually’s experienced dating coaches to hear what they think are some of the top dating mistakes singles make. Perhaps make this a new dating resolution for 2018 and see if you can avoid doing these things.
Work, work, work, work, work
“A mistake many working singles make is that they only talk about work during their dates, bringing up work challenges, their colleagues, and so on. For most singles, their lives usually revolve around work, and it’s what they know best. But sticking to work topics will bore your date quickly. In fact, they may think you have no life outside of work at all!
My advice is for singles to talk more about topics like hobbies, their favourite movies and music, their treasured childhood memories, places they have travelled, and so on. This will let your date get to know you more on a deeper level, rather than just a one-dimensional person who only knows how to work.” – Elaine Lai, Senior Dating Consultant
Be complain king or queen
“One common mistake is complaining about various issues on a first date, like work, politics, family and exes. Needless to say, complaining does not make you attractive to anyone, especially someone you’re just getting to know.
Instead of letting negative talk pollute your date, talk about things that make you happy instead. Also, remember to ask your date questions about themselves from time to time, and try not to talk about heavy topics like politics or religion. That can come after you’ve gotten to know each other well enough.” – Suki Chin, Dating Coach
ALSO READ: DO YOU HAVE RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY?
No dating, no thank you
“I find that a lot of singles often tell me that they would prefer to stay single and not date at all, and to me, that is a mistake. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be single for a while, especially if you need to recover from a bad relationship. However, it is definitely a mistake to allow your past experiences turn you off dating entirely.
I would like to encourage all singles to try and let go of their emotional baggage, so that they can find happiness sooner. We had a client who went out on eight dates in two months since joining us in July 2017. That’s a date a week! I am happy to say that he got into a new relationship with his eighth date. He could have given up at any time when the seven dates didn’t work out. ” – Marissa Nao, Dating Consultant
“Some singles like to play ‘hard to get’ while dating. For example, they may talk about how many other people they are dating at the same time, or even refuse to answer a simple text for a week so they don’t seem ‘needy’. Unfortunately, while it’s good to not be clingy, you may also end up distancing yourself from a date you actually like! Your date may end up thinking, “Oh, I guess they’re not interested”, and also distance themselves from you so they don’t get too invested.
Just go with the flow. Don’t make dating difficult by thinking too much into situations – dating should be fun!” – Melinda Chong, Dating Consultant
The new 5Cs or otherwise
“Some singles have an invisible checklist they use to immediately brush someone off, if the first date doesn’t fulfill the checklist. That’s definitely a mistake! Sometimes, you may be surprised by how compatible you can be with someone after getting to know them. Maybe they were shy during the first date, or were hesitant to open up.
Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect match. It’s good to list down your three must-haves in a guy, and only three. You will realize that some of your wants may be superficial (such as his height, age, and so on) and don’t contribute to what ultimately would make you happy in a long-term relationship. Most importantly, just have fun on each date, no matter who you meet. Take each date as one date closer to The Right One.” – Rachelle Low, Senior Dating Consultant
This article was first published on CLEO.