I’ve always had this fear about growing old, growing up, growing uglier…basically just growing. You know what they say, the youth is wasted on the young. I’m hitting the big scary 30 age next year and it looms over me like a rain cloud waiting to burst. But I’ve come to realise something. I’m GLAD I grew up. I am happy to be 29. I don’t want to be 21 again, especially not in the bedroom department…
You see, when you’re 21 or younger, sex is still scary. Sure, you may have had a few years of it but it still seems rather enigmatic, embarrassing and you definitely don’t really know what you’re doing. You don’t know how to pleasure yourself or how to feel comfortable with the lights on or how to actually enjoy that surprise morning boner in your back.
Being 21 in the bedroom sucked (and probably didn’t suck very well either).
Since I’ve matured, met my husband and now live with him, I can safely say that sex is 110% better the older you get. If you still think youth is better than age here are my 29 reasons why, when it comes to under the sheets, it really isn’t:
1. The older I’ve got, the more confident I am with my body. The more confident I am with my body, the happier I am about letting him throw me around at 2pm in the afternoon.
2. “Let’s get experimenting” is no longer a phrase attached to a chemistry lesson.
3. One night stands are no longer something to be ashamed of.
4. It is not all black and white. Grey exists now. No, I’m not referring to bloody Christian Grey. I’m saying that as I get older, I now see that complex relationships exist, affairs and cheating happens and it’s because we’re human, not because we’re Satan’s minions.
5. Toys are not just for my 6 year old self.
6. Making myself orgasm is no longer a myth – it’s a daily priority.
7. I’ve now been doing yoga for a year…do with that information what you will.
8. These days, I don’t take things lying down (pun intended) – if you want me to do THAT move, you best give me something in return too. An eye for an eye and all that.
9. Embarrassment doesn’t enter my bedroom. I’ve not shaved my legs in 2 days because I was busy getting drunk and then being hungover, so take it or leave it husband dearest. Take it? Yeah, thought so.
10. A ‘loving’ relationship is no longer a requirement of ‘amazing’ sex…but when you find the two combined you’re onto a winning lifelong streak.
11. It’s totally okay to be like…a 69er? Nah. I want it to be all about me for a while actually.
12. Owning a couple of vibrators is legit okay.
13. Talking of vibrators –
14. His tentative suggestions are no longer tentative – he knows my boundaries and he is happy to push them!
15. I now know what turns ME on and I’m not afraid to let the guy know.
16. Nothing can shock me anymore. Absolutely nothing.
17. Cuddling after sex still feels incredible but if I don’t get it, I don’t take it personally now. He needs beauty sleep too.
18. Talking of cuddling, it’s totally okay to ‘make love’ some days, and then just go in for ‘a quickie’ on the days we’re strapped for time. No judgment here.
19. If I make you breakfast in the morning it’s now because I want to, not because I feel I HAVE to just to try gain some extra wife points.
20. My body is fittttttttttttttttttt. Literally, I’m fitter than I was at 21. If it was okay to post nudes, I’m happily show you all and be like “OMG LOOK AT ME AT 29”. But I won’t. Boo.
21. “How many people have you slept with” is a redundant question that I categorically won’t answer. I lost my virginity years ago and I’ve had relationships since then…that’s it.
22. I don’t have to worry about clocking up ‘numbers’ in the bedroom anymore. Thanks husband of mine!
23. Getting dressed up in naughty lingerie and waiting in the lounge to surprise him is not a chore, it’s a decent Friday night in.
24. Ropes and handcuffs are no longer items that make me blush. Instead, I go ‘Ohhh…please continue’.
25. Pre-sex anxiety over any stray hairs, lumps or bumps or bad lighting just doesn’t exist anymore. If he finds a random ingrown hair, then he gets extra points for decent eyesight.
26. Role play isn’t just a warm up session in Drama class. Your files are all submitted sir…
27. I’ve learnt that the more filthy positions for you, the more he’ll be turned on. You want my legs where sorry? Oh okay then…
28. Being too tired is no longer an ‘excuse that is frowned upon’ but, in actual fact, a genuine reason (and he always opts for more sleep too).
29. 29 is not ‘old’ at all. In fact it is still young and I feel just as frisky (if not more so) than I did at 21. Cheers to that.