I saw pictures of one of my girlfriends on social media, hanging out with my hubby and his friends in poses I’m really not comfortable with. Should I start showing up at these parties to stake my claim, Jay? 

An Eastern European friend told me that her aunt and uncle had celebrated 70 years of marriage, and she asked the elderly lady what the secret to their longevity was.

Her answer: “I’m not friends with anyone who wants to sleep with my husband.”

And from what you’ve said, it sort of, kind of sounds like a situation where this girlfriend of yours may want to hook up with your man. 

The problem with girls who want to hook up with any woman’s man is that they play the long game. They’re in it for years and years, planting the seed of infidelity. You should definitely have a girl-to-girl talk or at least show up at a couple of these gatherings to let her know: The man is yours.

I’ve never believed in love at first sight until I met two guys in the same week: one I got to know at a bar, and the other is a new colleague. Are these feelings real for me to act on it? 

You’ve never been in love before but you fell in love twice – all in a week?

Did you change your medication or change the brand of your coffee bean?

Of course the feelings are real! That is, they are real enough for you to bat your eyelashes and flirt relentlessly with both of them until you end up on a date with one of them, or both. Preferably not at the same time. 

Remember, being struck by Cupid twice with two different guys doesn’t make you a floozy. Getting deep into a relationship  with two guys in the same week or same time does. So you’re good.

Photo: 123rf

The Real or Fake Me?

If a relationship is new, you’re often faced with this dilemma. How much of your real self do you want to reveal without scaring him away? 

The answer: Just enough. Sounds hard to grasp? That’s because it is difficult to perfect. 

Here are some ideas of what that means.

If you have loud laughter, laugh as loud as you need to, but cut it short at snorting liquid out of your nose, girls!

And if you have a different opinion, don’t hold it back. Express it and own it, but don’t get into a petty argument.

Indulge in that piece of cake at dinner because you (really) deserve it. But don’t stuff it in your face like a stress-eater.

You can’t be that “safe generic girl” because nobody wants to date that “safe generic girl”. 

You need to be enough of you to show how awesomely idiosyncratic and beautifully unique you are – yet not too much of you that can be annoying to people.

In short, head out on that date with confidence and show off your likeable personality that will win him over.

Now, if that doesn’t work, don’t fret. That person isn’t right for you anyway. So get out there and be your best self. 

Take note: You can always introduce them to your worst self once they’re living with you and trapped with a couple of kids.

This story was first published on Her World’s Jan 2020 issue.

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