Single this holiday season? Here's a guide on how to slide into the DMs

There are so many endless ways to initiate a DM. Before you make the first move, make sure that you actually connect with their content on both their Stories and main feed. Your first sentence can either be a question or a comment. Make sure that the first sentence you type is actually engaging as the first response has to textually stimulate the recipient to respond. In a poll I conducted over IG Stories, I learned that seeing someone’s stories gets people engaged more than commenting or looking at photos on the main.

Before you make the first move, ask yourself what you like most about the other person. If your Insta Crush is a looker, don’t kick off your first DM about their appearance until you've established a connection. Chances are, they already know how hot they are and don't need a reminder from a stranger. After that, if your crush posts a hot selfie, just react with the fire emoji and type out a fun description. Something like “your jawline is so sharp, it can cut tenderloin” is bound to get him double tapping and saying “thank you”.

If you receive a DM from someone who uses cheesy emojis (think the hourglass emoji) and absurd descriptions about your looks, this person honestly doesn’t have much game to begin with no matter how good-looking they are. The more clichés you avoid, the better.

How do you feel after you receive the first message? Does this person make you feel euphoric or does this person make your stomach churn? Depending on how they conduct themselves, lean into your gut. People will always show themselves to you.

As someone who acts on her gut instincts, I like to suss out the vibe of the person who texted me. I will continue to text the person if they make me feel good and I stop any communication if I pick up on bad "textiquette" such as extremely delayed responses, rudeness, pushiness and anything that makes me feel uncomfortable (for eg. requests for lewd or nude photos before we've established anything).

Though you have yet to meet your DM partner in real life, please trust your first instincts. At the end of the day, the type of energy you give and receive is the foundation of your textual chemistry. However, bear in mind that the first DM isn’t always the easiest way to gauge someone’s energy as the recipient is just as nervous as you. Give them some grace before you judge their character.

The key to a good DM is based on the textual chemistry you build. If you are the type of person who is bad at texting, this is the time when you can up your game here. As an active texter, I naturally feel confident at building textual chemistry. While the aforementioned tip advises you to read the vibe, building textual chemistry is where you spend more effort to see what kind of person your DM partner is.

Texting isn’t for the faint of heart no matter how easy it looks. Based on my experience, I used to feel self-conscious as to how my texts appeared as I battled years of social anxiety. Then, I realised that if I had to stop overthinking. The less I think of what to write, the better. The best textual chemistry is a happy mix of banter, teasing, humour, flirtiness and seriousness. Just think of it this way: text your crush the way you text your friends. This will help you present yourself in the most authentic way even though it’s done digitally.

Since texts don’t show emotions, I always like to spice it up with emojis, GIFs and tons of wit. While these assets demonstrate my personality, I like to be dramatic by extending the last letter if I say something like “no wayyyyyyyy” or use all caps. More than anything, showing your personality through how you text is the real secret to successful textual chemistry.

Though they may appear harmless because it’s through a screen, red flags are very serious deal breakers that you must never take lightly. Always read between the lines of every word they say. Re-read the text again to gain a full gauge of the context and the type of intentions they exercise.

One of the top dealbreakers is ghosting. If your DM crush ghosts you, they are not remotely interested in engaging with you. While numerous circumstances can get in the way of one’s communication, don’t take it personally when you are ghosted. Some ghosting is accidental, but most of the time, it’s intentional. Although it appears ambiguous, ghosting is a directly indirect way of saying “no”. If you are someone who has ghosted people, please don’t be scared to speak up about your feelings if you are not feeling someone’s vibe. If you are the ghostee, get some eye drops to fake your tears, move on and find the next cutie!

Another major dealbreaker is inappropriate comments. Harassment is NOT tolerated and you deserve to feel safe when you text. Inappropriate comments also extend to your DM cutie sending unnerving messages. No matter how good-looking someone is or how many followers they have, saying creepy shit is one #storytime away on TikTok. If they continue to exhibit signs that they are a Jeffrey Dahmer in the making, please cut off all communication.

Last but not least, another major deal breaker is being pressured to send nudes. Your photos are just as precious as you and how you treasure your body must be respected by your DM partner. If you say “no” and the person doesn’t respect your wishes, end all communication. Remember: how one conducts your relationship requires mutual consent! If your consent is not respected and your boundaries are violated, block him.

IG is all about photos. How you and your DM partner conduct your space should be a judgment-free zone. For pictures, you can be PG by sending pics of your pet, your office setting, food you ate or vacation pics. These types of photos help to build a portrait of the kind of lifestyle you have to your DM partner.

If you two choose to get intimate, this requires a LOT of trust as you be as safe as possible while sending photos/videos of yourselves. Consent is golden as sending photos and videos of a very personal nature is a sensitive boundary that needs to be honoured between both partners. To keep things extra secure (for cybersecurity reasons), set your videos/photos to disappear before you press send. Another way to do this is via vanish mode, which you can access by swiping up on your screen. Vanish mode is great if you don’t wanna get caught sexting at the dinner table with the fam while your partner sends saucy texts/pics from abroad. If you want to take it slowly with your photos, preserve your modesty by wearing a swimsuit, dress or oversized tee in your thirst trap pics. However you wish to proceed, you do you.

From the moment the first move happens, what type of expectations do you have with your DM crush? If you want to start off as friends, set the tone. If you two want to cross the line, express your feelings and attraction while you the next step. Make sure that you are confident in knowing what you are getting into before declaring your next step. If you and your DM hottie don’t live in the same town, don’t let distance be a dealbreaker. Make an effort to build that bridge whether it’s through texts or video calls before meeting up in person.

If you score their number, it’s extra points for you as it is proof that things are moving to the next level. Prior to planning an in-person meet-up, make sure that the city you two meet in is convenient for you as well as the schedule you have planned. If you live in the same country as your DM hottie, you have to carve out a bit of your time to make some room for them no matter how busy you are. Remember: good things take time to happen and you need to keep an open mind to constantly surprise yourself as the relationship evolves.

Should things get serious between you and your DM crush, make your move to seal the deal. If you and your DM hottie live far apart from each other, yet you two are serious, one of you has to make the sacrifice to spend time with each other physically. If neither of you can't move out yet, try to carve out a schedule for when you can visit each other. If you do decide to move, make sure that you have all your ducks lined up as your life abroad has to suit the goals you want to achieve in life outside of this relationship. I know it sounds scary to move out, but sometimes, you gotta do what is right.