An Open Letter to Krispy Kreme:
Dear Krispy Kreme,
Please do not come to Singapore.
You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you. Trust me, I know you really well. I know, so intimately, your deep-fried goodness, and the delicate crystalline glaze that splinters into translucent sugary specks with each bite.
I may have actually slept with you, or at the very least fallen asleep with you half-eaten in my hand, your empty green-polka-dotted-box at my feet. I’m a big fan of your work. Possibly too big a fan. ‘Fanatical’ might be a better word.
Just a month ago my Facebook status read: “If Krispy Kreme opens in Singapore it will be over for me. Over.” (It got six ‘Likes’ for the record.) Some evil nemesis hell-bent on ruining my healthy BMI must’ve used that information to exact their revenge because last week I found out you are set to open 15 stores here in the space of five years. That reminds me, I really need to detox my Facebook friends. Damn nemesis (nemeses?).
I don’t remember my first time with Krispy Kreme glazed donuts, but I do remember thinking: “This is my drug.” It was lust at first bite. Once, on a flight back from Melbourne I bought a dozen of you at the airport “for my family”. An hour later, somewhere over New South Wales, I remembered you were stowed in the overhead compartment. Suffice to say, my family did not get any Krispy Kreme donuts when I returned.
Another time a colleague brought a box into the office after a work trip, and I polished three off for breakfast. Let me say that again: Three donuts for breakfast. And I’m ordinarily a fruit and yoghurt or wholemeal toast and avocado kind of person!
By most standards, I’m pretty healthy. I don’t eat meat, have lots of fruit and veggies and limit caffeine and fast food. For heavens sake I teach yoga! But when it comes to your rings of sugar-coated evilness, my health conscious lifestyle choices go out the window. Even Superman has a vice, and I have my Krisptonite.
The only thing that’s kept my waistline and blood sugar level in check all this time is that there are no Krispy Kreme stores here!
So please, please, please do not come to Singapore. I’m sure you understand.
PS. That said, your stores in nearby cities in Indonesia and Australia etc are cool. Because you know, now and then I may need a hit. Thanks!