Equal opportunity between the sheets? Not always, when it comes to oral sex. Some women don’t want the equality. They seem happy to dish it out for their men but are coy about asking for it in return.
That’s what we found out when we spoke to 21 women – 11 of them said they prefer to give than receive. In contrast, only five said they would rather be on the receiving end.
As to why, most of them revealed that they feel “squeamish” or insecure about their naughty bits. Says civil servant Karen*, 25: “I’m not squeamish about giving oral but I hate being on the receiving end because I don’t think I taste or smell good.”
Sarah*, 25, who is a teacher, agrees: “Receiving oral sex makes me really uncomfortable and self-conscious. I’m too busy worrying about my body to enjoy it.”
Why so shy?
We asked 55 men what they thought and here’s the interesting thing: Three out of four wanted you to know this – they love going down on you.
Out of that, 45 men said they have encountered women who aren’t comfortable with getting oral sex and it made them genuinely puzzled. Says Jeffery*, 29, a banker: “Giving oral to a girl is such a turn-on but most times I’ve tried doing it, my girlfriend has a minor freak-out session. I don’t get it!”
Some guys said they’ve encountered women who would go to great lengths to try to avoid the deed altogether. Says Aaron*, 25, an assistant engineer: “I really like going down on my girl, but she either says she doesn’t want to, tries to distract me by giving me oral, or cuts short the time I have down there.”
Adds Ben*, 27, a lawyer: “I once dated a girl who kept her panties on throughout foreplay. She only took them off right before we were about to have sex because she was so squeamish about getting oral. All I could think of was, why?!”
This attitude is nothing new to sexologist Martha Lee. She says: “Women often assume that receiving oral sex will repulse their partner but these thoughts often stem from a lack of self-acceptance about their own sensuality. In fact, most men get great pleasure out of giving oral.”
As to why women tend to think they’re not “clean” down there, she counters: “People should know that the genitals of a healthy person are often cleaner than their mouths. What’s essential is taking care of yourself and your body.
If you’re healthy and clean, you have no reason to be embarrassed. Be proud of your body!” Now you know: Just as your partner doesn’t care about stretch marks, cellulite or that pimple on your nose, he’s happy to get invited to the panty party, full stop. So the next time you get busy: Lie back, relax and let him do the work. It’s time to enjoy an O-wesome night.
ONLY 1 in 4 WOMEN SAY THEY LOVE RECEIVING ORAL SEX, BUT 3 in 4 MEN SAY THEY LOVE GIVING YOU ORAL SEX
How do you prepare to give or receive oral sex? Women say…
“Make him take a thorough shower.” – D. Soh, 24, marketing executive
“It helps to be clean. A Brazilian doesn’t hurt either!” – Stacy, 25, writer
“My lips get dry so I put on lots of lip balm.” – Ashley, 25, store manager
Your most embarrassing oral sex moments?
“Semen shot up my nose.” – Mas, 25, writer
“I had been drinking heavily before. While giving my man oral sex, my gag reflex kicked in and I threw up all over him and his mattress. He was so grossed out.” – Karen, 25, civil servant
“I queefed (note: a vagina fart), which I think is pretty common.” – Sherry, 23, student
“I was resting my head on his inner thigh while doing the deed, then I almost fell asleep. Oops.” – Tash, 23, client servicing executive
“My ex-boyfriend and I were at the back of the top deck of a double-decker bus. The deck was empty so I decided to give him oral sex. Midway through, another doubledecker bus stopped right next to us and we got caught. Mortifying.” – Gemma, 24, content producer
When giving him pleasure, you’re thinking of…
“Whether I’ve hung my laundry out” – Angeline, 25, office worker
“My jaw hurts… Can I stop now?” – Karen, 25, civil servant
“I hope I look sexy doing this.” – CS, 25, writer
“Absolutely anything – what’s on TV that night, or I will add up prime numbers to as high as I can go.” – Saira, 23, student
How do you convince a woman to let you go down on her? The men say…
“Commit more time to foreplay so she eases into it. I always go slow and sensual.” – John, 27, manager
“Just constantly remind her of how beautiful she is.” – J, 27, media artist
“Take a shower together and make her feel good about herself. Then give her oral sex in the shower. Tried and tested.” – Hon, 28, digital strategist
“Reassure her I enjoy it and make my move slowly while touching her down there.” – Darth, 25, student
*All names have been changed
Images: Getty Images, Snapper media
This story was first published in Her World Magazine October 2012.