ask jay bff main.jpg

Image: Corbis

Question: This guy I’ve started dating doesn’t text much. Most of his replies and texts are monosyllabic – they’re very short, whereas my texts are quite long. What does this mean?

BFF: He’s not that into you. If a man is interested in you, he will find any excuse to send you countless messages, day and night.
Jay:
Men are nothing if not concise. We don’t like to talk on the phone, and we don’t like to engage in gossip through text messages. Don’t take it personally when you write a novella explaining your day and feelings and your man responds with “cool”. It’s not that we’re not that into you, it’s that we don’t write more than what’s necessary.

Question: I’ve caught this guy I’ve been dating looking at other women. It’s not very obvious, but I see it. I’m not sure what it means but it makes me quite uncomfortable. What should I do?

BFF: He is playing you and you should not trust him if he keeps looking at other girls. I say dump him.
Jay:
Dumping him might be a bit of an overreaction for what is pretty natural behaviour for any guy, or, let’s face it, girl. Men are hunters. We’re hardwired to appreciate long legs, curves and a perky ponytail – we can’t help it. But just because we appreciate beautiful girls doesn’t mean we don’t want to be with you. And don’t get all self-righteous! As if you don’t gawk when Chris Evans takes his shirt off in Captain America or when Zac Efron (top right) is being, well, Zac Efron. We all glance at attractive people. It doesn’t mean we’re cheating or unhappy. Just take some extra pleasure in noticing the next hot guy you and your man run across to let him know how it feels.

Question: What is the best way to end a fight with your boyfriend/ husband?

BFF: Cry! It would disarm him right away and you would win – he will give in to whatever you say.
Jay:
Breaking out the crocodile tears with the sole purpose of ending a fight is manipulation on a scale the Joker would be proud of, but I don’t think it’s a constructive way of ending an argument. Instead, take a few minutes away from each other, calm down and remind yourself why you want to be with him. If you still want a relationship with him, tell him you really don’t want to fight. And even though you’d rather be poking your man in the eye with a well-manicured finger, give him a big hug and call him snookie dookums or pudding puppies or whatever cutesy name you have for him. Nothing disarms a man in fight mode like your pet name for him.

This story was first published in HerWorld Magazine May 2015.

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