Q: I discovered that my husband has been engaging in dirty talk with his ex on Facebook. I found out by accident when he didn’t log out of his account. Should I confront him?
A: Yes. When you’re married, I’d say dirty talk with anyone other than your spouse is considered a bit of a faux pas. You definitely need to let him know what you’ve discovered and that it is not cool for him to continue doing this. And congratulations on your restraint. No married woman I know would have waited for a reply from a magazine column to bring this issue up with their dirty-talking husbands.
Q: My husband splurges on big-ticket items without consulting me. Recently, he bought a new car. He argues that he’s using his own money, but we have another baby on the way and a substantial mortgage to pay. How do I make him more sensible?
A: Well, at least the baby can ride in the car, right? I’m assuming your husband doesn’t make buckets of cash, but if he can easily afford mortgages, multiple children and sports cars, just let him be. That said, if he isn’t pulling in meth barrels full of money al la the characters in Breaking Bad, this is a concern. Let him know that you guys – meaning you and your kids – are in this together and that at the very least, he needs to have a discussion with you before purchasing big-ticket items that have seemingly no utilitarian value in the household.
Q: One of my colleagues had a crush on me, but I used to shy away – I avoided eye contact and didn’t take up his offers for dinner. The problem is, I’ve started to like him, but he’s now avoiding me. Did my lack of response turn him off?
A: If he was asking you to dinner and you didn’t even look at him, then yes, I’d say your lack of response turned him off . It seems like you’re embroiled in a classic situation of wanting what you can’t have. I think you’re asking the wrong question here. Why do you like him now that he is avoiding you? Why didn’t you like him before? These are the questions you should be asking yourself, because if you really liked this guy, would it have been so hard to come out of your shell and get some chicken rice with him when he was crushing on you?
Q: I’m engaged to a good guy – caring, dependable… but a little boring. I’ve recently met my dream guy, Paul*, who is exciting, spontaneous, worldly… and he likes me. If I go through with my wedding, I believe I will always have this “What if?” feeling. Do I stick with my fiance or try my luck with Paul?
A: The thing about dream guys is this: Once you get to know him, chances are he’ll stop being your dream guy. When you’re in an unfulfilling relationship, it’s easy to see other people as exactly what your current partner isn’t, but putting other people on a pedestal because they’re not your current spouse isn’t the solution. Should you be with Paul? I doubt it, but you do need to think long and hard about your fiance – and take Paul out of the equation while you’re doing it.
* Name has been changed.
This story was first published in Her World Magazine March 2015.
Want some relationship advice? Here are 8 easy relationship rules to live by and watch out for these 4 things that will kill your relationship!