I auditioned for a dating reality show — this is how it went

Imagine being stuck at an uninhabited island with a handsome stranger, but you aren’t allowed to know his job, age and other personal information unless you spend the night together in a hotel room. You wish you were there as you feel mentally drained from swiping on prospective partners on every dating app after your breakup. An escape from our reality, reality TV dating shows are just a simulated version of our reality except it involves real people across all backgrounds who are looking for one thing: love. 

A rollercoaster journey with the highest of highs and lowest of lows, reality TV is unpredictable as you will never know when someone whom you’ve rooted for can either be the hero or villain. Whether you want to love or hate the genre, reality TV is full of colourful characters whom you can immediately feel a connection to as if they are your future BFF. On the other hand, there are characters who you want to hate because certain scenarios similar to your own dating experiences brings a lot of traumatic memories for you. Given that the characters and scenarios are dramatised for the small screen, everyone who participates has done what we have not done: go for an audition.

How to apply and what to look out for

Auditioning for the show of your dreams is like trying out for Squid Game, except there’s multiple ways to get there. One way to be contacted is to be subscribed to a mailing list, where you can apply for one or a casting producer puts you in a roster. I did exactly just that, and in every e-mail I recived, I was asked to apply for dating shows including Love Island US. Usually, they would ask for US-based applicants as most of these shows are run by US-based TV networks. But as an international applicant, I can mention that I am a non-US resident and can be sponsored for a talent visa, which allows me to work for the show.

While I can pick and choose whatever show I want, an exception that was able to fit my vibe and accept international applicants was a Love Island-style dating show that was for virgins only, which I applied for in April. Like Too Hot To Handle, it’s standard practice for a show to go by a cover name as the real name cannot be revealed publicly. 

Another way to try out for a dating show is via word of mouth. Three years ago, an acquaintance roped me in to join her in a Bling Empire-esque show for MTV. Her friend asked her to find more friends to be recruited in the show and I was one of them. I was directed to the casting producer, who told me that there was another group of Asian Americans who auditioned to be in it. However, the show got scrapped due to the pandemic. 

Recently, a new way to be recruited is via DM. Last summer, I did a podcast about having autism and I checked my Instagram a few days later. A producer asked me to try out for Love on the Spectrum US. I followed up with his team and as much as I wanted to participate, I couldn’t do it due to being based in Singapore. But, it was a surreal experience to be DM’d to join a show as my social media presence is required to be on a dating show.

As someone who is active on Instagram, booting up my feed is the selling point for producers and casting directors to vouch for me. Like a diary, my feed is a visual expression of my interests, personality and the story I tell to my followers. Though I have autism, I harness my strong eye for detail into how I want my feed to look via OOTD posts, IG stories, travel shots, current and old photos. It also means having to try my hand at TikTok, where reality stars post-show make their debut there to build a brand for themselves. Since I have a loud personality, people can feel my energy through my captions and the photos I post. Being told that you have a personality is the highest compliment you can have as it’s a sign that you are made for TV. Yet, social media is where I have the freedom to tell my own story without oversharing intimate aspects of my life.

Be prepared to share VERY personal details

Contrary to being an open book on Instagram, the audition is where I am asked to bare my soul. During my audition in April, another casting agent asked me what would be a big challenge for me if I were to go on the Love Island for virgins show. My body tensed, but I tried to keep myself together as it was an emotionally triggering question. I mentioned that trying to move on from Miller*, a Sydney-based American expat, would pose a challenge as he was someone who made me feel like myself despite our situationship on Tinder and our friendship since he didn’t pressure me to sleep with him.

Miller was someone who could open up to me about his baggage-filled emotional past, which brought me to develop strong feelings for him in spite of the physical distance between us. In spite of him having many failed relationships and me being unable to land a boyfriend, we swapped stories of our flop era of a dating life. Losing our friendship was painful because he was like a twin flame. 

Being heartbroken from Miller drove me to find solace in Thiago*, a 25-year-old INSEAD student from Portugal I met on Hinge in January. The casting agent asked me why I broke things off with Thiago. I mentioned that sex was a dealbreaker for me. I had to disclose to the casting agent that Thiago constantly pressured me to sleep with him since our first date. We broke up after a month since he didn’t want a long distance relationship due to his post-graduate plans to remain in Portugal after completing his program. 

Crafting your main character arc

Although diving deep into my personal history was something that didn’t make me feel comfortable, it made me realise that my story could help me become a character who people would relate to. The casting agent shared her suggestions on how I could frame my narrative as a motive to go on the show. She suggested, “You could say, ‘I don’t wanna be blocked’” as a reason to go on the show. Though I baulked at the thought of having to say it, I followed through as I wanted to make an impression on the network. Even though it made me sound like a nutjob, I thought putting on a brave face while I shared my truth would have people draw some sympathy for me.

Simultaneously, I would have to develop extra thick skin as I knew that some viewers would think that I was a walking red flag in real life when complicated situations like my circumstances with Miller pushed me to act out on my anxiety. Being on reality tv is still on my bucket list, but if I were to do it now, I’d have to make sure that I put on my best face forward. Compared to Miller, talking about Thiago was not so triggering for me as he was only a dickstraction. 

After hearing my stories, the casting agent suggested that I could craft my narrative around being blocked by Miller. Though my storyline would make me look like it was a villain origin story, the network would vouch for me as my story was relatable to women who tried to find love around the world after dealing with heartbreak in their hometown. I knew that being a “villain” in Miller’s love story was a role I never signed up for, but I felt that my truth needed to be told as I hoped to tell the full story about what happened between me and Miller if I were to go on air.

Despite the anger I felt towards Miller during my audition, having rich emotions would make me a complex character for the producers to vouch for as my exterior was always perceived to be this “happy go lucky” girl. Being on this show was something that would require me to break down my walls, but at the end of the day, if it captured Miller’s attention, I wanted him to feel like he wished he dated me. I could never guarantee what type of edit I’d receive, but at the end of the day, being authentic to who I am mattered the most as people would still root for me despite my flaws as a human. 

Two months have gone since I last auditioned, but I wouldn’t skip it as it was an opportunity I am thankful for. If I had passed, of course I’d love to give it a go. And if I were given a chance to audition again, I would definitely shoot my shot again as I am a firm believer in second chances.  Trying out for reality TV is something I’d still continue to do as I still believe that my story deserved to be told. I know that having to give up my privacy is something that scared me, but will I regret it? Never!