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MR SAME OLD, SAME OLD
He is unimaginative and sticks to the same moves.
Pamela Fernandez, 28, a food and beverage executive, says: “Once, I almost fell asleep during sex with Lionel*. There was no passion, no excitement and no fun. One night in bed, a few months into our marriage, I suggested changing sex positions and he was game. A few nights later, I suggested another position and he enjoyed it. I kept introducing new positions every week and after awhile, he got the message that I wanted our sex life to be more exciting.”
Pamela says: “Lionel appreciated my honesty and admitted that he stuck to the same routine because he wasn’t sure what I liked. We’re not swinging from the chandeliers these days, but our sex life has improved and we make it a point to try a different position each time we make love.”
He moans and yells like a banshee during sex.
Clara*, 29, a flight attendant, says: “Sometimes in bed, my husband Mark* screams loudly when he’s really excited. To avoid hurting his feelings, I jokingly told him that the whole estate didn’t need to know that we have an exciting sex life or that he’s a stud. I also gently pointed out that his loudness was distracting and off -putting.”
Clara says: “He said he didn’t care what the neighbours thought, but for my sake, he’d try to be less vocal. He’s still not as quiet as I’d like him to be, but when we have sex, I shove my fingers into his mouth when I sense that he’s going to lose it. He seems okay with that.”
MR BOOB MAN
He only focuses on your breasts during foreplay.
Cheryl Sim, 25, a retail manager, says: “Every time I moved my husband Tim*’s hands away from my breasts and tried to guide them elsewhere, he would move them right back to my chest. I told him frankly that I needed him to pay attention to other parts of my body as well. I also mentioned that I was hurt that he only seemed interested in my breasts.”
Cheryl says: “He got a little defensive at first, but after I told him that I just wanted him to explore other areas of my body, he didn’t seem so upset. Now, he also does other things like kiss my lips and stroke my hair.”
He spends two minutes on foreplay, humps you for a few seconds, then rolls over to sleep.
Angela*, 32, who is self-employed, says: “Ken* was behaving this way, and it upset me because he’s not usually a selfish person. So one night, just before sex, I whispered that I missed the extended foreplay I used to enjoy when we first married. I asked – in a non-confrontational way so that he wouldn’t become angry – if he could spend a bit more time on me.”
Angela says: “Ken was hurt at first, but he later apologised for his behaviour. He explained that on most nights, he’d been too tired and had ignored my needs. We agreed never to have sex when he’s dead tired. Now, he cuddles me to sleep after we make love.”
He asks you repeatedly whether you’re having a good time.
Paula*, 34, a journalist, says: “My husband Nathan* is great lover, so I didn’t understand why he needed a minute-by-minute review of his performance. After the sixth time, I playfully asked if he could be quiet. I told him, very seriously, that he was excellent in bed and pleaded with him to stop asking me questions. I also gently warned him that all that talk would give us both performance anxiety.”
Paula says: “I realised Nathan had been insecure because I was more sexually experienced than him. He felt reassured after our talk and now, instead of questioning me, he pays attention to physical cues – such as my breathing, the warmth of my skin and my moans – to know if I’m enjoying myself. He also seems more confident in bed since being told he’s a stud!”
MR PLAY ROUGH
He treats the bed like a wrestling ring, yanking your hair or flipping you around.
Sheena*, 29, a corporate affairs executive, says: “Once, when Mike* was on top of me, he was so rough that it felt like he was crushing my ribs! I told my husband that he honestly needed to tone things down a little.”
Sheena says: “He hadn’t realised how bad it was and admitted that he sometimes got carried away. He felt terrible about it. He is a lot gentler now. I know our sex life is definitely better because I’m not sore any more!”
MR FOUL MOUTH
He swears and spews vulgarities during sex.
Sarah*, 33, a freelance designer, says: “My husband Alvin* would go crazy with the vulgarities in the heat of passion. He normally doesn’t swear so much, so it caught me off guard. I felt he was being extremely disrespectful, so one night, I plainly stated that I was offended by the way he talked to me in bed. I told him that it was important that he speak to me with respect, even during sex.”
Sheena says: “He took offence at first and felt hurt that I couldn’t accept this side of him, but I stood my ground. After giving each other the cold shoulder for a couple of days, he apologised and said that he didn’t mean to disrespect me. He’s a lot more careful in bed now, and occasionally, I talk dirty; it’s my way of letting him know that he doesn’t need to censor himself completely.”
MR BABY TALKER
He coos sweet nothings in a high-pitched baby voice and spews drivel like “Does my honey-baby want a kissy-wissy here?”
Fiona*, 38, a marketing communications manager, says: “Alan* used to do this during sex and it made me cringe – definitely not a good thing. The next time he did it, I laughed and told him to please stop the baby talk because it was distracting. I didn’t talk down to him or use a blaming tone – I just stated the truth, softened with some humour.”
Fiona says: “My husband seemed a little embarrassed, but he was not upset and ended up laughing right along with me. The humour definitely helped – I’m sure if I’d used the words ‘annoyed’ or ‘irritated’, he would have taken it personally.”
*Names have been changed.
This story was first published in Her World Magazine December 2013.