Credit: Screengrab/meWATCH

We have all made mistakes and have regrets about the past, and former Mediacorp artiste Fiona Xie is no exception.

In the latest episode of the meWATCH talkshow Hear U Out, the 38-year-old confessed that she “lacked a sense of responsibility” when she was a young actress and has regrets since then.

“It was only after I established my own company that I came to realise and understand how tough things were and how a single decision could affect so many people,” she told programme host Quan Yi Fong.

Recalling the time they worked together on several variety programmes, the 46-year-old told Fiona: “If the man you’re dating happened to have a family gathering that you must attend, then you’d fly to Australia the next day and just disappear even though you had a live show to shoot.”

“People would think that I was flying so frequently back then that it felt like I was taking a bus,” Fiona quipped, laughing.

But as it turns out, it was unintentional on her part. Fiona said: “I just couldn’t see the big picture at all.”

On reflection, she shared, “I really didn’t make the best of the opportunities I was given or consider what other people needed or how they felt. I do have some regrets about that and I feel apologetic.”

In her relationships, she has always been the one to sacrifice a lot for the other party, Fiona revealed, explaining that she thinks it is worth it.

Perhaps due to her father not being around when she was little, she yearned to be loved, she tearfully shared. 

“I want someone to love me and I guess there’s this desire to receive all the love I didn’t get from one person.” 

Truly prioritising love over all, the 2001 My Genie actress revealed that part of the reason why she left showbiz at the peak of her career in 2009 was because of her Australian-American then-fiance.

She said that at the time, she was preparing to move to Hong Kong and get married. He also did not want her to continue acting. The couple later broke up in 2011 and Fiona was reported to be dating rapper Julien Leo in 2017.

However, her relationship is not the entire reason why she disappeared from our screens. Fiona added that it was because she felt tired and had a poor command of the Chinese language.

“I’ve been in this line of work since I was 19 years old. I’m thankful for all the opportunities but I was also under immense pressure because of my poor Mandarin. I had to memorise lines every day, but I have a poor memory,” she said.

She also did not sleep well at night due to the long and irregular working hours. After thinking about it and realising that she was unhappy, she decided to quit.

After a seven-year hiatus, Fiona finally came back to the small screen in 2016 with Channel 5 series Left Behind.

She also made her Hollywood debut as Kitty Pong in Crazy Rich Asians, one of her most iconic roles to date, aside from playing Lu Kaixin in 2004’s The Champion, where she famously sprinted down Orchard Road in a bikini.

This article was first published in AsiaOne.