#1 You’re always doing the household chores
It doesn’t matter that you’ve had a long day at work – your husband still expects you to cook, clean and do the grocery runs while he chillaxes on the couch. His excuse? “A guy like me shouldn’t be doing housework!”
The fix: Stroke his ego
One way to get your hubby to pull his weight around the house is to convince him he’s good at it. “To get my husband to vacuum, I tell him that he’s better than me at getting the floors clean,” says Evelyn Chong, a 38-year-old administrative assistant. “Then I’ll playfully request that he put his cleaning skills to good use that weekend. Or, if I want him to do the grocery shopping, I’ll suggest he take a trip to the supermarket because he’s good at bagging the best deals. He’s always willing to prove himself when I broach the subject this way.” The bonus? He might even think it was his idea.
Alternatively, tap on his provider instinct by making a direct request, says Kloudiia Tay, a love coach and author of The 69 Love Notes – Secrets to a Loving and Lasting Relationship. Say: “Dear, I’m tired when I get home; I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out with the chores.”
#2 You’re settling all the bills
He claims he’s rubbish with money – so you’re paying for everything. Mathilda Chen, a 35-year-old accountant, used to foot all the household bills as she earned more than her hubby, a part-time tutor. “It bothered me that he rarely even offered to chip in,” she complains. In addition, your hubby leaves big financial decisions – like how much to spend on the home renovation or how to invest your joint savings – to you, saying he’s fine with whatever you decide.
The fix: Start delegating
In your husband’s eyes, there’s no reason he should intervene since you are already doing such a great job, says relationship coach Elyse-Anne Lim. “That said, if he knows that you are unhappy, he will step up – provided you give him the space to do so.”
Instead of bemoaning his never being on top of the bills, start “outsourcing” some fiscal responsibility to your husband. Let him settle a few bills, or entrust him with a key financial decision. After a chat, Mathilda and her husband agreed he would take care of the household bills that he could afford with his salary. “We put those bills in his name. Knowing that he has a set amount to pay every month gives him a sense of responsibility,” she says. “I still pay more than he does, but at least he’s contributing something.”
If he needs persuading, shower him with compliments like, “Hon, we have to make bookings for our family holiday soon. Since you know where to fi nd the best airfares, you can get the plane tickets, okay?”
#3 You’re the one initiating sex and date nights
No flowers and gifts for you. Your husband sits back and lets you make all the romantic plans – and that includes asking him for sex. It almost feels like you have to beg for his affection!
The fix: Put the fun back into your love life
He may have stopped taking the initiative because your relationship has gone stale, so fire up his interest first, says Vanessa Marin, a sex and relationship therapist from San Francisco. Suggest that he thinks of new sex positions you can try together, or hint that you’d love to take a romantic holiday. If the thought of basking in the Maldives doesn’t motivate him to research hotels on www.agoda.com, we’re not sure what will.
A sure way to get him hot and bothered? Send him a sexy text when he’s at work. Continue the text teasing until you get home, by which time he will be so turned on that he will take the lead!
This story was first published in HerWorld Magazine November 2014.
Check out the 6 best tips for a lasting happy marriage here and also find out why sharing the chores will lead to a healthy relationship!