Work Therapy: Dealing with a petty boss during a career move 

Do you have a professional dilemma that’s worrying you? In Work Therapy, founder of Threshold Allies Karen Tay helps working professionals navigate sticky situations. If you have a question for Karen, you can email us at magherworld@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs at @herworldsingapore on Instagram.

Dear Karen 

I work in a global media company as a senior manager. Over the past two years, my scope significantly increased and I went from being an individual contributor to managing eight team members. However, I sensed a limited trajectory for growth from hereon. My manager was supportive of me when I towed the line and took on the tasks he did not want to, but I have noticed controlling and disrespectful behaviors when things did not go his way. 

I still like the company and two months ago, decided to seek an internal transfer. When I let my manager know I wanted to take it up, he started to ice me out of projects, leadership meetings and communication channels to the point where I can’t do my current job well. This left my feeling very insecure about my job, since the internal transfer will take a few more months to complete. What should I do?

Ming 

Dear Ming,

Thank you for sharing your current situation with me. It's evident that you've taken on significant responsibilities and shown great adaptability in your role as a senior manager within a global media company. It's disheartening to hear that your efforts to pursue an internal transfer have resulted in being marginalized within your current role.

Your experience highlights an unfortunate reality: while some managers prioritize their team members' growth and development, others may adopt a more transactional approach, focused solely on their own needs and convenience. In your case, your manager's reaction to your decision to seek an internal transfer may stem from feelings of offense or insecurity about the implications for his team.

Despite these challenges, it's crucial to communicate your motivations and plans directly, addressing any unspoken needs or concerns your manager may have. Why does it matter?

If you want to continue at this company, I want you to have a strong leadership trajectory, commensurate with the talents and abilities you have already demonstrated. This would involve growing in confidence that should you encounter him, or people like him in the future, you have the ability to address the situation. In addition, as you get more senior, people often “back channel” with past employers or managers in the interview process. This underscores the importance of “parting well”, even in sub-optimal situations. 

With these in mind, I recommend designing an interaction where you can cover the following points: 

• Reiterate your commitment to the mission of the company, including your track record of contribution to this mission. 
• Thank him for his partnership in driving the company’s mission over the past 2 years.  
• Share your aspirations and desire to contribute to the company through this new team.  
• Share your care for the team you’ll be handing off, and enquire about his concerns and needs regarding the transition plan.
• Express your commitment to supporting an effective hand-off, including creating a transition plan, and ask for his commitment to support this process. 

Documenting this interaction in writing will provide clarity and serve as a record of your contributions and commitments. For example, if you have a live conversation, send a follow-up email capturing the main points. If you feel nervous about this conversation, seek guidance from a coach or experienced professional woman who can help you brainstorm and prepare. 

Regarding the uncertainty surrounding your internal transfer, familiarize yourself with the company's HR policies and processes to gain transparency and peace of mind.  Continue to build an advocate in the manager of your prospective new team, letting him/her know about your intentions for a smooth hand-off and the commitments you have made to your previous manager towards this goal. 

As you navigate this challenging period, maintain objectivity and focus on addressing immediate work-related needs with your manager. For example, if there is a missing piece of information which you need to deliver your work, explain and ask for the specific piece of information. Avoid getting into accusations such as “you are deliberately leaving me out of information”, even though that might seem true. Staying in a negative work environment can be tiring, so strengthen yourself with activities that bring you energy, inside and outside of work!  

While your current situation may feel isolating, it's important to recognize that parting ways under less-than-ideal circumstances is not uncommon. Through resilience and experience, you'll emerge stronger from this challenge.

Best of luck!

Karen

Karen Tay has held senior leadership and advisory roles in the Singapore Government and start-ups in Singapore and Silicon Valley. She currently runs Threshold Allies and Her Life Ally, where she supports global leaders in navigating high stakes situations and transitions. Got any questions for Karen? Email us at at magherworld@sph.com.sg or slide into our DMs at @herworldsingapore on Instagram.