How much would you spend on self-care?

Dance instructor Gloria Monteiro recently spent $200 on a much-needed massage – but instead of relief, the 33-year-old was hit with a wave of guilt. She wondered if she should have used that money on her five-year-old son instead: enrichment classes, clothing, or anything that felt more “justifiable” as a mother.

“Would people think that I made him wear hand-me-downs, while I sought comfort for myself?” she laments.

Meanwhile, content creator Carrine Low shelled out $1,100 on a pair of shoes from Maison Margiela – and didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty.

“I wore them out the day I bought them and told my intern, ‘Only 1,099 wears to go and we’re in the clear!’” the 28-year-old quips. “Honestly, I rarely splurge on luxury items, so this was a rare treat.

They bring me joy and are a great conversation starter. If a purchase doesn’t hurt my wallet or my peace, then it’s not irresponsible.”

Anecdotes aside, these stories reflect the push-and-pull many women experience: the instinct to be frugal and selfless, versus the desire to treat ourselves without shame.

Sale hacks and self-care splurges aside, the viral “girl math” trend revealed something deeper: our tug-of-war between joy and guilt. Here’s your smart girl’s guide to spending well.

“We were raised to be sensible and careful with money,” says Carrine. “So when we buy something just because it makes us happy, we feel the need to justify it. ‘Cost-per-wear’ becomes our corporate pitch to ourselves.”

According to Fong Yong Hui, master financial consultant at Singcapital, that instinct is universal. “It’s human nature to rationalise what we want. We’re hardwired for instant gratification – but that doesn’t mean we can’t be intentional with money.”

If you recognise some of this in your own habits, here’s how to shift the guilt, reclaim your confidence, and become a truly smart spender.

Understand why you spend

Instead of justifying a purchase after the fact, Yong Hui says the key is understanding whether your spending aligns with your needs, values or lifestyle.

She adds: “The problem isn’t spending itself; it’s spending without alignment. Used well, ‘girl math’ helps women recognise value. Used wrongly, it becomes a way to rationalise impulse buys that don’t reflect your goals or lifestyle.”

Take that $200 dress, for instance. If it makes you feel confident and you wear it often, that’s value. If it sits untouched in your wardrobe? That’s just clutter.

Set rules for yourself

For Carrine, discipline comes with smart spending, and that helps to eliminate guilt.

“If I think something will give me buyer’s remorse, I don’t buy it,” she says. “My three rules: It must bring genuine joy, not fleeting dopamine; it shouldn’t cause post-purchase stress – I should sleep peacefully after buying it; and it must align with my values, like comfort, quality or connection.”

When it comes to spending, Yong Hui applies a mindful lens: Cost per use to gauge practicality, joy per dollar to measure satisfaction, and impact per spend to ensure it aligns with her values.

It’s ok to fund indulgences...

Yong Hui shares how a client once felt guilty about booking a wellness retreat for herself, thinking she should save that money for her family instead.

“That trip helped her recharge and come home more grounded and present for her family – that’s what I call an investment in self-care, not a splurge,” she says.

This is similar to Gloria’s case. Thankfully, her initial guilt over her massage wore off when her husband pointed out how energetic and happy she seemed on their family outing later that day, which was priceless.

“I now recognise it was a need, not a want. So I shouldn’t have to explain myself to others or feel any regret,” she shares with a smile.

... just make sure your finances are sound

For Carrine, smart spending starts with strong financial foundations. It’s never wise, she says, to buy something that wrecks your savings. “If you want a $10,000 bag, that $10,000 shouldn’t even dent your finances,” she explains.

She recalls a spontaneous trip to London last August to visit a friend – flights were double the usual price, but her joy was tenfold. “I had the best time; the memories were priceless,” she says. “But only if your finances are in check. If not, save now, splurge later.”

What Yong Hui does is to encourage her clients to set aside a “play fund”, a small monthly budget purely for enjoyment. “When you plan for joy, you remove the guilt. It’s financial self-care,” she says.

Redefining spending as intentional, not indulgent

Feeling guilty even if you can afford a purchase is perfectly normal, as certain money values have been deeply ingrained in us.

Yong Hui encourages women to adopt “smart girl math”: Spending with clarity, not apology – and with intention, not justification. She shares how a client uses part of her investment dividend to fund a year-end holiday to enjoy the fruits of her financial discipline. Another sets aside her bond payouts for small treats that bring her joy – a simple reminder that she’s on track and deserves to enjoy the journey.

Even emotional spending is not inherently bad, says Carrine. “If you’re buying something to celebrate, honour or uplift yourself, that’s totally valid. But if you’re using money to numb or escape? That’s when it gets murky.”

She adds: “Indulging is only ‘wrong’ when it leads to financial regret. If you’re not hurting your future self, why apologise for making your present self happy?”

“Money should serve your life, not control it,” agrees Yong Hui. “Spending can be both joyful and wise when it’s done with awareness. The real win isn’t in never spending; it’s in spending intentionally.”