Her own experience as a mother struggling to find flexi-work opportunities spurred Sher-li Torrey to start Mums@Work. Initiated in 2010, the career portal supports women in finding the balance between being a mum and a working professional.
The 45-year-old herself is a mum of two children aged 13 and nine. “Having run Mums@work for more than 12 years, I have met many mothers with different family backgrounds and situations. It’s their voice that I try to channel when we have discussions about various projects and programmes that are being implemented in our country.”
The organisation is also a part of the Alliance for Action (AFA) to Strengthen Marriages and Family Relationships, and helps encourage a society in Singapore that is more supportive of families. “Because of my own work and passion, in particular, I represent mothers and try to find ways to reach out and share their feedback. We also highlight various schemes and support projects by the government that help parents balance work and family.”
Below, she shares more about her advice for stay-at-home mums looking to return to the workforce, juggling her career and her family, and dealing with burnout.
Sher-li Torrey (ST): Mums@Work was set up to help mothers marry their professional experience with the shift in priorities upon the inclusion of new family members. Our main mission is to be a point of information source for mothers who want to work flexi-time or run their own mumpreneur business so as to have sufficient time for family as well. We also support mothers who go on a career break and want to return to work.
From its inception till the end of November 2021, Mums@Work (Singapore) has had approximately 49,000 women on board and has successfully listed over 5,300 flexi-work jobs (for professionals and executives). We hold numerous events every month, with our annual career fair being the most popular.
ST: Start early – don’t wait till the last minute to get back on board. Have faith in your talents. Some skills may need upskilling or a refresher, but know that once you have sufficient time to ramp up, you will be as good (if not better) as before.
Be very aware of your choices and why you are making the decision to return to work. This will help you to decide the best work arrangement that suits you and your family. Some women may not immediately return to full-time work; starting off with a part-time role and returnship can allow your family to help adjust back slowly as well.
The first step is to research. Find out what’s out there and start thinking about what you want. What suits you and your family, at this life stage? What are your skills at this moment?
ST: I segment my time daily into pockets of “work” and “family”. Over the years I have learnt that multitasking is a two-edged sword. Being present (even if for short periods of time) to focus on a task at hand actually helps the most. As a parent, I am very conscious that it’s not about when I am free and ready to ‘bond’ with my kids. It’s also about them, their schedule and working with them to manage a time that we are both free to connect.
With my teenager, I am very aware of this, so we take long evening walks or jogs, and she is given the air time to talk about anything and everything. With the younger boy, his personality is more gregarious – he comes home and in the first hour, is always excited to tell me about school, etc.
Balance is something very elusive when you work hard at it. Trying to integrate different elements of our lives together is probably better. As mentioned, focusing on what’s in front of you and clearly marking the boundaries of time and space allows me to feel like I have given everything in my life (that requires my attention) sufficient commitment.
ST: Oh yes, for sure! During stressful times (when both work and the family require closer attention), I find myself being pulled in many ways. One thing I have learnt to do is to tell my family (or even colleagues) that I need a time-out. I enjoy the moments of solitude to clear my mind and force myself to not think about “what needs to be done”. Self-care is actually very important. For many women, we struggle with this because there is guilt involved. We feel that we are less of a wife, mother, or daughter because we were not present.
But in the long run, this is not possible. So taking breaks is essential.
ST: The introduction and acceptance of working-from-home (or even hybrid), will allow more female caregivers to take on jobs that previously were quite hard for them to manage.
Hence, this is a positive outcome in the long run. Without the pandemic, the push for flexible work (and I have been doing this since 2010) was very challenging. Now managers do not bat an eyelid when someone talks about flexi-work. So that has benefitted women who work from home.
ST: I think there have been so many life lessons since I started work, when I went to work in Japan for a few years, and when I returned to Singapore. But I have come to realise an interesting lesson.
When I was younger, I was very much all about “taking action” — sometimes pushing boundaries at the expense of my own energy and emotions. But with time, I recognised that if things are meant to happen, the obstacles can usually be figured out.
If a door closes and remains shut, it’s better to walk away and see if there are other doors to knock on or if you can come back later when the door is open again. It’s a ‘flow’ of life that I have learnt to embrace and in a way, it has served me well. There is a time for everything – and sometimes when things are not working out, it’s also because the time is not right yet.
ST: I love my work and I love looking after my children, so I am generally happy with my attempts to manage work-family balance. But I value my alone time a lot. Hence, I have always taken time off (solo vacations) to recharge and just ‘hear my thoughts’. This is important to me and I will continue to do it.
Visit Mums@Work’s website for more information.
This article was first published on Singapore Women’s Weekly.