7 conversational tips to avoid awkward small talk

Running out of conversation topics? It’s probably a sign that you need to be a little more savvy of the current developments around you.

You can start with the latest topic trends on social media. Try the serious stuff like controversial world news, or thought articles and inspiring TED videos. Not a fan of serious content? You can also find out about the latest hunts to do over the weekends, nifty everyday hacks or indulge in some quick doses of humour that you can use to entertain your peers.

The goal is to stop looking at the world through a pipe and start exposing yourself to things that are beyond your area of interests.

What does this do for you? It makes you interesting! Or at least it’ll minimise the chances of you hitting a conversational roadblock. Like fishing, you’ll soon tug on a topic that resonates deeply with a colleague. Once that happens, remember the winning topic and expand your knowledge of it for future conversations.

Names are important, and repeating someone’s name in conversation can serve as a powerful move when it comes to making a good first impression. Plus, it helps to build a connection if you are able to remember someone’s name.

Try repeating a name once or twice after you’ve heard it to commit it to memory. If the person you’re speaking to has an unusual name, take the time to learn it – don’t just breeze past it. Your effort will definitely shine through. If you forget a name in the middle of a conversation, try asking a third party for help (discreetly, of course), or keeping an ear out for it during the conversation.

However, don’t overdo it: there’s no need to mention someone’s name in every sentence. Doing so can sound confusing, or you might even end up irritating the person.

Taking a genuine interest in your colleague’s life is a step closer to breaking the “small-talk barrier”. Even though they don’t admit it, people like it when conversations revolve around their personal interests; although I’m not suggesting that everyone’s a narcissist.

If you’re lost for questions, you can try some school camp icebreakers. Get to know the basics of their background through ambitions, hobbies and life pursuits. For instance, “What do you do in your free time?” not only gives you an insight on their life beyond working hours, but you can also use this information to strike common topics with them in the future.

Don’t do this all within a single conversation though, lest you want to make it feel like an interrogation. The aim is to cultivate a habit of being conversationally vulnerable with you. Play your cards right and your colleague will soon let you in on their personal opinions of life.

In order to get your colleagues to open up more, start by doing so yourself.

Be open about your imperfections. Any insecurities you may have that you’re currently working on, or anxieties about entering your new workplace. By starting the ball rolling, your colleagues are more likely to reciprocate and share more about themselves.

It is normal for us to want to portray an overly polished and put-together image of ourselves, especially when in the workplace. Give it a break. Remember that you’re trying to make a friend here – not talk to your job interviewer.

Now that you’re getting the other party to open up, don’t make the mistake of being a terrible listener. Some people tend to over-analyse conversations or body languages, but fail to listen. They then walk away with knowledge of something entirely different than what was discussed.

Pay attention, and show that you’re paying attention. React to the conversation with small nods, change of expressions and laughter, wherever appropriate. If necessary, raise questions for clarification. Maintain an appropriate amount of eye contact, and if your colleague is providing an advice, consider rephrasing what they said to ensure that you understood it correctly.

But beyond all these, clear your mind and keep your focus on what your colleague is saying. Instead of worrying about how you should react, empathise with what they say, and listen to understand – not to respond.

You can also try to branch topics off the flow of conversation. See how person B does it in the short conversation below:

Person A: I just bought a Subaru yesterday, it’s so much more convenient to travel around now.

Person B: Oh, Subarus are good, very reliable and solid. What model did you get?

Person A: Subaru Forester. It’s a great family car.

Person B: Ah, that’s nice! How many people do you have in your family?

Breaking it down, Person B picks out topics from what Person A says and expands on them. This is a good technique to use when you want to take conversations deeper. Fish for deep topics with each sentence, and you’ll definitely find one that interests both of you.

Sincerity is key to building a relationship that permits deeper conversations. You can do any of the previous tips and still fail, if people find you insincere in your interactions with them.

There are countless ways to achieve a deeper conversation, but the most crucial way is to just be real. Be true to yourself, and to your colleagues. Insincerity is easily detectable, so always be honest with how you feel in a conversation and let your colleague’s impression of you do the rest.

Lunch with your colleagues should never be something you dread. Look forward to having better and deeper conversations with colleagues-turned-friends during your lunch break!

This article was first published on TalentTribe’s blog.

TalentTribe helps jobseekers in Singapore find a career that’s right for them. See what it’s like to work inside different companies. Apply for jobs. Get actionable career advice to be kick-ass in your job search & career.

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