“There being a price list is like having to pay for a show,” said a friend from overseas when she learned how for wedding guests in Singapore, recommended wedding ang bao rates are available online as reference.
“It’s practical,” was my immediate response. As a guest, you’d probably look up the latest ang bao rates based on the venue to gauge how much is a socially acceptable rate, and factor how close you are to the couple to decide on how much to give in the ang bao. Maybe incorporate the auspicious number eight somehow if it’s a Chinese banquet – $188 or $280.
Ang baos are a way to show that you wish the newly wedded couple well, and maybe even want to help them out a little on their new journey together, be it building a home together, starting a family or whatever milestones they are looking to fulfill.
But my friend’s question made me reflect on how the ang bao rates being clearly visible online implies that there is some degree of societal expectation on how much to give. It goes beyond just wishing the newlyweds well. In a way, it’s a good thing because as an invited guest and friend, I’d want to be able to give my well wishes to the couple and know how much is expected to cover the cost of my seat at the table. I’d rather know how much is expected than be thought of as a bad friend for giving too low an amount. If I didn’t care enough about the couple or think I’ve received a “seat-filler” invite, I wouldn’t turn up for the wedding to begin with. If I’m present, it’s because I care about the couple.
However, it’s also true that sometimes the amount can be excessive (dinner at Capella Singapore would be between $320 and $410, according to this Wedding Ang Bao Rates Guide 2022 I found) and salty as this sounds: why is it on me to cover the cost for an expensive venue and setting that they chose? The easy answer to that is that I want to wish loved ones well. But $320 is no small sum –– not to most of us at least.