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MCI (P) 039/12/2022. Published by SPH Media Limited, Co. Regn. No. 202120748H. Copyright © 2023 SPH Media Limited. All rights reserved.

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Life

Self-pleasure 101: everything you need to know for solo sex

W / Wellness

Self-pleasure 101: everything you need to know for solo sex

And it doesn’t always have to involve masturbation

by Adora Wong  /   February 16, 2022

Masturbation not only releases feel-good hormones such as dopamine (which regulates mood) and oxytocin (which lowers stress), but also improves your self- esteem and body image. We got sexperts Dr Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist at Eros Coaching, and Noorindah Iskandar, founder of online sex education platform Shy & Curious, to recommend an assortment of things to try for a mind-blowing experience.

https://www.herworld.com/gallery/life/wellness/self-pleasure-masturbation-guide/
Self-pleasure 101: everything you need to know for solo sex
What does being sex-positive mean?
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According to Noorindah, being sex-positive doesn’t just equate to being kinkier – anyone can be a sex-positivity advocate if they believe in mutual respect, trust, communication, consent and boundaries. That said, she thinks that there “definitely” needs to be better sex education for those at a younger age, and that we should not shroud those looking to learn more about sex (solo or otherwise) in fear and abstinence-based philosophy.

“I would love to continue building this safe and non- judgemental space where there is no such thing as a stupid question. I believe that the more you know yourself and the options available, the more you are able to trust yourself to make the right choice for yourself – not what society thinks you should do,” she says.

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When it comes to sex toys
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Noorindah recommends:

1. Womanizer Premium 2, $280
“This is my holy grail of clitoral stimulators. I love the 14 intensity levels and Smart Silence function, which means the toy only switches on when there is skin contact. It is ergonomically designed and super sleek, so it is non- intimidating to introduce in partnered play as well.”

2. Iroha Petit Plum Jelly Clitoral Massager, $8.90
“This is an inexpensive and fun way to introduce toys in the bedroom if self-pleasure is new to you. It’s a discreet, disposable jelly-like accessory that can be placed in the fridge to keep it cool, or in hot water if you prefer warm sensations. Although it’s a clitoral massager, I recommend that you also use it to trace your erogenous zones like your nipples, neck and thighs, as it mimics the sensation of a tongue.”

3. Lelo Enigma, $254
“This G-spot vibrator with an external clitoral sucker arm enables both internal and external stimulation, so you can expect incredible orgasms. It is also flexible and very soft, which makes it easy to adjust to suit your body. I suggest trying it out in different positions to find your best fit.”

Dr Martha Tara Lee recommends:

4. Lovense Ferri, $169
“Lovense is a Singapore-based company that is quietly but fast becoming one of the best sex toy brands in the world. I recommend this device because it is a reliable panty vibrator that you can control using your phone. While I usually like to keep my sex toys simple, a panty vibrator is not something you want to be manually messing with when adjusting vibration modes.”

5. Lelo Sila, $235
“This envelopes my entire clitoris and provides mild to intense oral flickering that is very different from all the other clitoral toys with air-pressure technology. It employs sonic vibration – the same technology used to clean delicate diamonds – and feels amazing against the clitoris. It is also super-soft and luxurious, which makes me fall a bit more in love with myself every time I use it.”

Not in the mood to masturbate? There are other ways to feel good about yourself
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Dr Lee recommends getting sufficient rest – since it is the body’s way of recharging – and dancing, even if it’s by yourself.

“It’s pleasure for pleasure’s sake. It’s not for performance, and it’s not for the world; it’s something we do for ourselves,” she says. She also suggests painting your nails and putting together a nice outfit and accessories, as they are typically what makes one “happy”. If all else fails, she suggests cutting yourself off from negativity, like toxic people, and “focusing on the quality rather than quantity of things”.

“A mentor told me many years ago that the most successful people she knows lead the simplest lives, and I recognise the wisdom of those words to this day. It is most important to have experiences that will enrich your life,” she adds.

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Feeling yourself? Dr Lee has some tips for taking sexy selfies
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1. Pout
“Look into the camera as if you’re directly looking at your lover and pout. Pouting accentuates your lips, if that’s one of your assets.”

2. Tilt your head
“Whatever position the bottom half of your body is in, tilting your head and angling your body to show some curves is always alluring.”

3. Smile
“There is nothing sexier than a person who lights up from within and smiles from the heart. People like happy people, and sometimes over- posing may not be as attractive.”

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Other means of self-pleasure
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Aside from massages, Noorindah recommends therapy because she believes that sex starts in the mind. “When your mind is going off in all directions, it has a domino effect, especially when trying to embrace your sensuality. Since I started therapy in 2020, it has helped me trust myself, whether I’m single or coupled up. I’m finally unapologetically myself and owning my pleasure.”

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Want to get into erotica? Noorinda suggests starting with these books
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1. Switch Bitch by Roald Dahl 
Not many people know that Roald Dahl was actually quite the erotic storyteller. This series of short stories from his contributions to Playboy magazine between 1965 and 1974 was my introduction to soft erotica. Filled with his usual incredulous plots and magical writing style, this book is adults- only, but safe enough to read on the MRT.”

2. Hot Asset by Lauren Layne
“Though the trope of Lonely Rich Playboy Banker may seem overdone with Fifty Shades of Grey, the characters’ witty banter is believable, while the sexy scenes are hot and vivid enough to transport you to another realm. This book is part of a series, and every book of the series focuses on a different couple within the storyline, so you won’t get bored.”

3. Happy Endings by Thien Kim Lam
“This is written by an Asian author with a strong Asian female lead character that sells sex toys for a living and has a second chance with an ex. Need I say more?”

This story first appeared in the February 2022 issue of Her World.

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