As every woman living in the bustling modern age knows, it’s near impossible to find a date in real life. In between work and studies and commuting and exercising and TV boxsets, there’s little choice but to seek out romance via the web.
But, unlike in person, online dating also comes with a number of potential pitfalls. Are they in it just for a few naughty pictures? Are they even who they say they are?
So with that in mind, we’ve put together a list of red flags to help you decide when it’s okay to cut your online losses and move on, a ‘ghosting checklist’ if you will, because sometimes things get really, really weird.
And remember – however bad you may feel, sometimes ghosting is the best option, as long as you’re respectful about it. Leave the conversation at a short and simple ‘It’s been great chatting to you, but I don’t feel a connection and wish you all the best’ before going silent. Your conscience will thank you for it.
Photos: 123rf
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So you’ve been messaging each other non-stop for three weeks. The idea of meeting up still hasn’t been suggested, so you take the next logical step and ask for a video chat. They say they’re too busy, or their webcam doesn’t work, or their computer spontaneously combusted leaving everything fully functional save for the camera.
There’s only two reasons why someone would do this.
1), Their computer really did set on fire (unlikely, but, given, there’s a small probability), or
2), they’re not who they say they are (more likely).
Ergo, cut and run.
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Sure, there’s nothing wrong with being a keen bean, but talking about love and marriage before you’ve even met in person? Woah there, that’s not normal.
No matter how many compliments they may shower you with, look upon the situation with objective eyes and ask yourself what you’d advise a friend in your situation.
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We all do a little Facebook/Instagram stalking. It’s a protection method and it’s only sensible. But why was their last update in 2015, and why do they only have two pictures uploaded, and why does no one write on their wall?
Maybe it’s because they’re hiding something and have set up a fake profile to deflect suspicion. If this is the case, ask them straight, is this their real profile? There could be a simple and honest explanation, but if you receive a stumbling, nonsensical excuse, be wary. Nay, be gone.
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If you are talking to an all-out weirdo who’s masquerading as someone they’re not, they’ll try and keep the focus on you, because let’s face it, it’s probably difficult to keep up a secondary persona without tripping up somewhere along the way.
It could be that they’re shy, so try teasing details out of them. If they’re still too vague or what they say doesn’t make much sense, it could be time to go ghost.
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Lavish gifts and holidays from someone you’ve never even met? For FREE? There’s always a catch, and the catch in this case is likely to be that they’re trying to keep you hooked because all isn’t what it seems.
Be wary, politely decline, and find someone more genuine.
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Maybe they do moonlight as a professional underwear model, or maybe they’ve conducted a Google image search for ‘toned man six-pack’ and picked one from page six of the results.
If their pictures do look too good to be true, there’s no harm in doing a Google reverse image search to check they don’t belong to somebody else.
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They watch every story, like every post and comment with over the top compliments. Or they’ll silently view your activity and then begin asking too many questions about who you were out with and what you were doing.
This is a one stop train to paranoia-ville, and if they’re like this before you’ve even met in person, just imagine how much worse it could be. Avoid at all costs.
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If you’re arranging to meet for the first time, it should always be somewhere public. No matter how much you think you know about someone, you have to protect yourself just in case, and any person with good intentions would never suggest a private meeting at their home for the first tryst.
Thanks but no thanks.
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Look man, there’s two thousand and fifty nine images on my Facebook profile to look through, you don’t need one more. Of course, this could all just be innocent curiosity, but it can quickly become dangerous territory when they ask for something more revealing.
No matter how many pictures someone may send to you, before responding, ask yourself, 1) can I trust this person not to show anybody else 2), would it be damaging if this picture were to be leaked, and 3) am I absolutely sure I know this person is who they say they are?
If you refuse and they keep pushing, then it’s time to move on.
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Your mum told you one thousand times and she was right, ‘trust your gut’. Often we can’t quite put a finger on why something feels weird, it just does.
And as the other saying goes, ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. Cut this one loose and get back out there.
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