In order for pleasure to be experienced, we need to make space for it. However, it seems that we sometimes put the pleasure of our partner before our own, and focus on the experience of our partner’s at the expense of our own. There is nothing wrong with this if it is a mindful choice, but if this triggers a feeling of dissatisfaction, it’s worth having a think about how to change that.
Indeed, an important ingredient for being sexually satisfied, that doesn’t get enough promotion is… self-focus. Without it, we are not present enough to our body and our sensations to reach orgasmic intensity.
In a nutshell, climaxing when having sex with your partner is not as easy as it is shown in movies. In fact, it’s far from it. The key to better shared sexual experiences is not only body awareness, knowing your erogenous zones externally and internally, but also explaining your preferences to your partner, in words or otherwise. Finally, it is essential to focus on yourself and your senses during sex, rather than being solely focused on the pleasure of your partner. These combined can help you find your way to share pleasure with your partner and, perhaps, simultaneous orgasm.
This article was first published in Smile Makers. Smile Makers is a sexual wellness brand on a mission to inspire vulva owners to set their own standards for good sex. As a brand, they bring sexual wellness products into mainstream spaces, remove limiting beliefs around vulva sexuality and foster a global, pleasure-positive and light-hearted conversation about sex.
