Let’s first distinguish that many things are on a spectrum, and this includes sexuality, as in, feelings of sexual attraction, arousal, and connection. We range from being asexual to sexual. For vulva owners that are sexual, many find themselves being the initiator less often, or not at all, especially in cisgender heterosexual relationships. This article is to help women and non-binary folks that have vulvas who often wonder ‘why can’t I initiate sex? I want to, but I get stuck in the moment.’.
Vulva owners in many cultures have been taught that to want sex and to say it out loud means something about your humanity – that you’re a bad person, a dirty girl. That gets some people off, but others, it hinders them from even basic communication around sex. If you’ve held onto ideas that hold you back from being your most sexually confident self, it’s understandable, but you can let those ideas go with practice. Here’s a sex coach’s take on how to initiate sex without fear of rejection.