10 things that affect your orgasm

How you feel about your body and sex is relevant. The more confident you are about your body and how you perform in bed, the more likely it is that you’ll have satisfying orgasms. Your partner could be doing all he possibly can to get you there but if you aren’t feeling sexy, it’s probably not going to happen. Don’t waste time wondering whether or not your body looks good from his angle. Forget all the hang-ups you have about your body, put on something that gets your sexy on, then give in to the moment.

Being in the moment is essential in order to have an orgasm; if your mind is elsewhere, it’s going to be a lot harder. Even if your man is the sexiest man alive and has all the right moves, you’re going to have to do a lot more than just lie there. So forget about that nasty comment your bitchy colleague made or how you haven’t done your laundry in ages because of the constant rain…concentrate on what is going on right then and there and you’ll have a higher chance of success.

Coffee itself won’t affect your ability to orgasm but if you’re having, say, eight cups of coffee a day, you’re going to be on a caffeine high and you’ll find it difficult to relax. Feeling relaxed while having sex is important and it’s definitely useful in order to have an orgasm so ditch the caffeine. Try to stick to a maximum of three cups of coffee a day and your sex life will thank you.

Being sleep deprived eventually affects your hormone levels and also your sex drive. Let’s face it, sex is probably the last thing on our minds when we’re feeling sleepy, tired and cranky, so you’re not going to be in the mood for an orgasm either. Get adequate sleep each night so that you’ll have a satisfying time in bed with your man.

While some people get turned on by dirty talk, trying to have a conversation during sex is a no-no. Your mind can’t possibly be on the task at hand if you’re talking about something else so don’t choose this moment to remind him that his car is due for a servicing. And if it’s him who’s doing the distracting talking, tell him to stop or just keep his mouth busy with other things instead. Plus, talking too much during sex could also lead to saying something that’ll kill the mood so keep this to the minimum to enjoy that orgasm.

Sometimes, it’s just a matter of asking for what you want. Be direct with your man so that he knows exactly how to help you reach the finish line. You can do this by guiding him while you’re in bed or sending him flirty texts during the day to tell him what you’d like him to do to you when you get home.

It can be hard to enjoy sex as much as you’d like to when you know there are other people in the house. For example, you could be living with either of your parents or friends or it could just be a houseguest for a few days. Whatever the case, lock your bedroom door, shut yourself off from everything else going on beyond it and concentrate on your man and getting to that Big O.

We’re not making this up, your footwear actually can affect your ability to orgasm. The arch in some high-heeled shoes are similar to the arch in your pelvis when you’re having an orgasm. Your pelvic floor is, thus, already at the angle when you’re near or at an orgasm, and therefore won’t be able to contract any further for you to enjoy this pleasure when you’re trying to have one. If you want to enjoy the sensation of getting from zero to full-blown orgasm, don’t wear high heels too often.

This one is self-explanatory – if you aren’t happy in your relationship, you won’t enjoy having sex with your partner and therefore won’t be able to have an orgasm either. Whether you’re married to him or just in a casual relationship isn’t important; what’s relevant is how satisfied you are with him. If he isn’t making you happy, he’s only hindering your chances of enjoying orgasms so think about what you want to do.

We hate to be the bearer of bad news but this is one factor that is beyond your control. The greater the distance between your clitoris and urinary opening, the lower your chances of having an orgasm. But the good news is, this relates only to your ability to have an orgasm via vaginal penetration. Many women don’t have orgasms just through intercourse anyway, so get creative with your man or make sure he stimulates you manually too during intercourse.

Read Next

An anticlimax: Why 1 in 2 women have sex even when it’s not pleasurable

Do you and your partner have mismatched libidos? Here's a sex therapist's advice on what to do

Your Guide To Sex Lubricants: What, why, and how to choose?