The curse of the eternally single girl and 10 ways to break the cycle
Banish your bad dating juju with our love and general life happiness tips
We’re not, by any means, saying nearing the ripe ol’ age of 30 and still being single is a bad thing. Except it IS an issue if you’re bored of endless disaster dates, can’t stand dating apps and you’re fed up of weekends at home alone. Dinner date for one? Just isn’t the same.
So if you find yourself alone and wondering what it is you do, or do not do, that means you can’t find true love or keep a man – we’re here to help you. Sometimes being stuck in a rut means you just need an outsider’s POV to help you change and move merrily upon your way. Singlesville isn’t a blast forever – no-one really wants to die alone. We want to head hand in hand down to Couplescity.
If you’re not there just yet, these tips will help you get there sooner than you might think.
Whilst you may or may not be into all that ‘nonsense’, it is pretty widely accepted that focusing on positivity and having daily visualisation of what your heart desires will help bring it from 2D into 3D and become your reality.
Think about what you want for yourself – a hard working man? A house? A family? And create your own ‘future mood board’ with all of these things pinned to it, and keep it where you will see it every day. Focus on this when you’re feeling low and wish it into existence. What’s the harm in trying, right?
Yes, dating apps DO often work and no, we know you’ve had no luck whatsoever. But there is a common cause to the bad dates and regretful Tinder choices – you.
You are the one who swipes, you are the one making the initial decision and there must be a common theme in your bad choices. So, take some time to first work out what type of man you subconsciously choose, why it never works, and then make conscious efforts to not swipe this type in the future.
Dating apps are dangerous. They can lead you to feeling low and insecure when you get little to no response, they consume most of your spare time when you could be being productive and they rarely offer up your dreamboat man.
Whilst we don’t hate dating apps, we believe if you’re stuck in a rut they won’t help you get out of it. You need to head out into the real world and meet genuine men looking for the same thing as you. Not so sure Tinder is bursting with those.
Sometimes, a mental declutter starts with a physical declutter, and we need to mentally declutter you to allow good vibes to come flooding in. So start with your closet. What clothes do you hoard but don’t wear? What has never been worn and probably never will?
Give your wardrobe a healthy cleanse and re-order your items to be filled with ensembles that suit you, make you happy, make you feel good and will always be a good representation of who you are. Recycle everything else!
Chances are, you’re attracting the wrong type of man because you feel you deserve this type only. Deep, I know, but it’s true and we have to face this monster head on if we plan to banish it. You need to let go of your own insecurities, forgive yourself of any past mistakes and give your mind the clean slate it needs and deserves.
Rather than viewing yourself negatively or viewing your dire dating life as your luck, think instead that your destiny is due and be excited to meet it. Focus your mind on the good and the future, rather than allowing it to be saturated with the bad and the past.
Often, women who have a string of endless bad encounters with men are unaware or ignorant to the obvious warning signs early on. The women who have better luck with men only have so because they see the neon flashing red lights of alarm and run a mile…they do not stick around hoping he changes or begging for love or wishing he’ll commit.
They know their worth and they’ll be damned if they devalue themselves just for a bloke. You need to learn to see the warning signs (which is an entirely whole other article in itself) and when you see just one of them, you walk away.
You MUST learn to love who you are, wholly, from within first and foremost before you truly start dating properly. You cannot find love or offer love to someone unless you love yourself. Why?
Well because if you view yourself negatively, you attract the same back from the universe (laws of attraction are rife here) and thus only attract the men that treat you badly…because you feel you don’t deserve any better. However, if you love who you are, respect yourself and know your values, you in turn attract the men that love, respect and value you too.
So you’re soon turning 30, or 35, or even 40 and you’ve yet to meet the love of your life. So what? Who actually cares? Why are you so restrained to society’s norms or age limits? If you concern yourself with your age and want to meet your match ASAP, you’ll start to give off that desperation vibe which, unfortunately, men can smell a mile off.
Take a deep breathe and accept that things will fall into place when they were due to fall into place – no earlier and no later. If you’ve reached 30 and you’re still single, it was always meant to be so.
It’s a harsh pill to swallow but if you can swallow it soon, it will prevent a whole lot of future heartache. Men often pretend to want love to get sex and we often believe they are after both when it’s just the latter.
Once you realise sex is NOT love and men do not have to love you to try bed you, you’ll be able to separate yourself from the men who are chasing just one thing. This will leave a whole load of room in your life to date the right man who does want more than a naked spoon.
We know all too well how easy it is to get fed up of the same bad date that you just say no to whoever next asks. No, I don’t want to find out about your ex over dinner. No, I DO NOT want to discuss your nan’s crippling disease but how she still makes the best broth ever. We get it.
However, you DO have to start saying yes. Friend wants to arrange a blind date for you? Trust her and say yes! Double date? Go for it. You cannot and will not find your true love staying at home alone and refusing to head out to new ventures due to past burns.
And finally, remember a man is an enhancement, not a necessity
The final thought to leave you with is this…what are you wanting when you want a man? If it is self validation, fulfilling society’s expectations or appeasing family members, it’s not the right reason to get into a relationship in the first place.
Being single is not a disease and being in a relationship is not ‘winning at life’ either. A man is not the sole reason you exist and you have to bear this in mind when you’re dating them. They are and should always be a positive enhancement to your life. Anything less than that and you’re falling short of what you need and deserve.