A former licensed pharmacist with a Masters in Public Health and now a UK based sex coach and body coach, Stella’s qualified in Somatic Sex Education and Sexological Bodywork. She enables people nationally and internationally to overcome difficulties within relationships – sexual and platonic. Sexual wellness brand Smile Makers reached invited her to share her wisdom and tips for on how to prepare for a first-time that works for you.
“Describe your first sexual experience.” I was at a Tantra workshop and the teacher had asked us to step into the middle of the circle and to describe our first sexual encounter. “Noooo…” A good number of people started giggling, wincing, and covered their face with their hands.
Of course, it takes courage to share such an intimate experience. The reason why people were reluctant was however not entirely situational. A surprising number of people have quite negative first-time experiences, even if they are not due sexual violence.
From what I hear from clients in my Somatic Sexology practice report, many things can go horribly wrong – both people are really drunk, no condoms, performance anxiety on both sides, friends/parents walking in on them, really wanting it “done and over with”, in order to “reach the goal” to not be “virgins” any more, the guys trying to copy something they’ve seen on porn… you name it! I’ve heard it all.
So, what causes first time experiences to be so negative, and how can we make them beautiful and memorable instead?