Sex & Love

Ask Jay: My fiance is still very good friends with his exes

Our columnist gives us the lowdown on how to deal with 'over-friendly' exes and what it means to have a joint account with your partner
 

Photo: Everett Collection

Q: My fiance is still very good friends with his exes (incredible, right?). They Whatsapp often, and one of them even calls right after Game of Thrones screenings to discuss the show with him. I mean, he’s entitled to his previous life and I’m not insecure, but surely there should be some boundaries?

A: Discussing Thrones right after Thrones has aired is crossing some sort of unwritten rule that thou shalt only discuss Thrones with thy current partner? No, it doesn’t cross any boundaries. Honestly, the thing with exes is they’re exes for a reason. Maybe they share a passion for discussing the incestuous turns of GOT – which isn’t a bad thing to stay out of – but it doesn’t mean they want anything more than that. In fact, they don’t, cause they’re exes. So don’t sweat it.

Q: What’s your take on office romance? There’s a guy I kinda like. I think he’s making eyes, but no moves. I think this whole #metoo thing has men becoming too cautious to say anything or give compliments. Should I make the first move?

A: Oh no! #metoo has made it so I don’t even know when I can slap my co-workers on their behinds, or when it’s okay to say “those legs go all the way up” when they’re wearing pencil skirts. Yeah, if someone said that, they’d deserve to get #metoo’d. Honestly, I don’t think most guys are worried about that movement, and your office hottie is probably the timid sort who isn’t sure what to do. Go ahead, make the next move and see what happens. Just don’t slap any of his body parts – you’ll get #metoo’d, and besides, it’s simply rude.

 

The Pros and Cons of a joint account

You know you're in a serious relationship when you've got a joint bank account with your ooky dooky love bundle. But what are some of the pros and cons? Luckily, yours truly has a joint bank account, so I can delve into the intricacies of couple banking.

One great thing is that you can keep track of your better half's spending. When mine splurges on a spa session after work or pays too much at the salon, I can see it right there in the banking statement. 

Downside? She can see all the stupid stuff I spend my money on too. Like that time I made an in-game purchase on my Xbox for some cosmetic item. That's the kind of situation in which I have to explain that I bought a cloak for Arthenol, my Allerian archer, and my wife looks at me like I'm insane. Yeah, that part isn't good.

Another good part is the solidarity you both feel when you're putting your money in the same account. Literally pooling your resources as you get together to face off against the world. Taking each other's hands and standing, fists clenched. We got this, baby ± you and me forever.

The downside is that if the relationship starts to go bad, that joint account is going to get split right down the middle. Have you spent more on cosmetic items for video game characters than she has spent on spa visits? You'd better hope so, or you're getting severely boned in the settlement.

In the end, a joint account is a double-edged sword. Maybe it's best to have a joint account for joint expenses, but also have individual accounts to keep you both sane.

This story was first published on Her World's June 2019 issue.

 

ALSO READ: ARE YOU UNHAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? DEALING WITH THESE FOUR COMMON PROBLEMS CAN SAVE IT

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