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Don’t really have much of a sex drive? You’re hardly alone. The Durex Global Sex Survey found that younger Singaporeans get it on just 120 times a year, which is less than people of any other country.

But here’s the good news: a low libido isn’t something you’ve to live with. According to Dr Martha Tara Lee, a clinical sexologist at Eros Coaching, it can be boosted.

For a start, you can allow yourself to fantasise.

“Desire may not always occur spontaneously, especially if you’re feeling tired or stressed. Give yourself permission to use your sexual imagination,” she says. “Better yet, get your partner to read you a juicy passage from an erotic novel. Have some laughs and break the ice. The idea is to have fun.”

She also recommends getting in the mood by unwinding with a long bath and caressing yourself slowly to prepare your body for sex. Basically, you’ve got to make time for the deed.

“We make time for what’s important. Pencil sex into your schedule and prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and even physically for it as you would a date. By being more prepared, you and your partner can be assured of a better experience.”

Dr Lee adds that while there are many different causes of low sex drive, the most common one is fatigue.

“Fatigue and emotional overload are very real stresses that can affect a woman’s libido. Issues such as losing a job, financial trouble or relationship problems can dramatically decrease her sex drive,” she says. “Women tend to respond differently to stress and sex from men. Women usually have lower sex drives when they are under stress, while men typically use sex as a way to reduce stress.”

She’s got five tips on how you can still please your man even if you don’t usually feel like getting down and dirty. Scroll the gallery to check them out.

 

1. Assure your partner

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“If you keep saying ‘no’ to sex, your partner will experience feelings of rejection. You need to communicate assurances of your love and tell them that you’re open to giving or receiving say, a massage, and that you’re not actually rejecting them.”

 

2. Give and take

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“All relationship requires compromise, even when it comes sex. Avoiding sex or saying ‘no’ too often can affect a relationship in the long-term, so you can compromise by offering to have sex in the morning instead of say, the evening, because you’d be more well-rested.”

 

3. Watch him masturbate

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“Ask your partner to masturbate while you watch or stroke him. Your eyes are the windows to your soul, and you can convey your love and appreciation of his body and sexuality through them. Because masturbation is shrouded in a lot of secrecy and shame, watching him masturbate can actually be an intimate act that brings the both of you closer together.”

 

4. Get creative

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“By offering to give your partner a hand job or blow job, you’re acknowledging his sexual desires and expressing your willingness to meet him halfway. Most guys will think, “Better than nothing” and will appreciate the you trying to accommodate his needs. Some guys prefer hand jobs and oral sex to penetrative sex as they can lay back and relax, so these acts may also be viewed as a treat. But this doesn’t mean they’re a long-term substitute for penetrative sex. If you have low sex drive because you’re experiencing pain during sex, you should get it checked out.”

 

5. Use sex toys

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“Aside from using vibrating rings, can also use a masturbation sleeve commonly known as the Fleshlight on your partner. It recreates the velvet texture of a young woman’s vagina, and with proper lubrication, can feel like a human vagina. He can then penetrate the toy as he would penetrate a woman, and this can be a creative and fun way to still be sexually intimate without having full-blown intercourse.”

This story was first published on Cleo.

 

ALSO READ: 5 TIPS FOR HAVING MIND BLOWING SEX, ALL THE TIME

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