From The Straits Times    |

After wedding horseplay killed a bridegroom in China two months ago, relatives and netizens have called for a rethink of the culture’s age-old bridal games.

In China, wedding parties can sometimes go overboard, resulting in tragedy such as the one that happened in March. As part of a forfeit in a bridal game, reported Shanxi Evening News, a groom in Shanxi province was kicked and punched repeatedly by his friends on his wedding night – resulting in fatal lung injuries. Four years ago, in Taiwan, a groom died after reportedly drinking too much at the insistence of friends at his wedding.

Some Singapore grooms also report feeling anxious or uncomfortable about being made to “storm the gate” at their bride’s house, performing daunting or embarrassing tasks to get past a bevy of bridesmaids barring the door. But few are rushing to call for a ban on the Chinese custom.

Bridal games that Singapore grooms play
Andrew Khong (above in white) had to consume seaweed smeared with wasabi before they were allowed to see his bride. PHOTO: ANDREW KHONG

Software engineer Andrew Khong, 29, was so anxious the night before he married childcare teacher Vivien Khong, 28, last November – in part because of the ragging awaiting him in the morning – he slept fitfully.

When he and his five groomsmen arrived at Mrs Khong’s house at 8am, they were made by her five bridesmaids to eat seaweed smeared with wasabi from one another’s mouths. They also ate chillies, drank concentrated orange cordial and did pushups with snacks in their mouths. Mr Khong handed over about $300 worth of hongbao to the women before they let him enter his wife’s room.

He says: “The most difficult thing for me was just before I entered her room. I had to sing a song and I do not really sing. I was afraid that I would go off pitch. When they opened the door to her room, it felt like a burden had been lifted from me.”

Still, Mr Khong is all for keeping this practice. He says: “The challenges were not too difficult. We should just go through with it since it is the custom.”


The bridal games here can also get risque at times.

Mr Adler Sho, 30, a human resource executive, has been a groomsman at five weddings in which he has had to put on embarrassing dance numbers, some of which were mildly suggestive.

He says: “I do not understand why we have to go through this. It seems to be meaningless sabotage.”

To ensure that this did not happen at his wedding held two years ago, Mr Sho and his wife set boundaries for the bridal games. There was to be nothing of a sexual nature. He ended up having to solve a puzzle and drink bitter tea, among a few simple tasks.

He says: “Bridal games are redundant, but it does add to the atmosphere. It would be better if the activities were more meaningful, like the lighting of a candle to symbolise blessings.”

Other grooms, however, enjoy the tradition. Bridal horseplay, often seen as a test of the length a man would go to to get the woman he loves, can sometimes border on the revolting.

But Mr Jeremy Tan, 29, a student at Trinity Theological College, did not flinch when he had to put a live mealworm in his mouth as part of the fun and games at his wedding three years ago. He also had to eat pungent fermented beanpaste and put on a dance number at the void deck of his wife’s family home wearing white cotton underwear over his pants, a la Superman.

He says: “In hindsight, it was quite fun. My wife and I had a good time watching our wedding video.”

He has no qualms taking part in bridal games and has been a groomsman at three other weddings. Once, he even had to put a wriggling guppy in his mouth for a minute or so.

Weddings will not be the same without the bridal games, say several couples.

Bridal games that Singapore grooms play
Singapore groom Raymond Lim was made to eat a stuffed chilli at his wedding ragging games. PHOTO: SAMANTHA NOH

Mr Raymond Lim, 31, an electronic technician, who married his wife, Samantha Noh, 28, a visual communication student in Nanyang Technological University, last year, says: “It is important to go through what everybody else goes through for their wedding. It reminds us to follow tradition.”

During his bridal games, Mr Lim had to confront one of his most hated foods – durian. He and his eight groomsmen also had to put on lipstick and use their mouths to write the Chinese characters “double happiness” on a piece of paper.

While her husband was doing all this, his wife was watching from her room through a live video feed on her iPhone.

She says: “It was quite fun to watch my husband go through these activities. He is quite daring and the atmosphere was happy.”

IN THE NAME OF LOVE
Ben Yeo, 35, actor-host. He wed Ms Claudia Cheong, 35, who works in sales and marketing, in 2006.

What he did: Wore adult diapers over his pants, put a pacifier in his mouth and waxed his leg hair.

“The worst part was removing my leg hair. It was very painful. My legs felt sticky for the rest of the day and I had to put baby powder on them to ease the discomfort.

Gate crashing is part of our culture. It spices up the whole process. But maybe we should make some changes, like letting the bride do the gate crashing instead of the groom. Let the women try it out and see whether they like it.”

Pan Jia Biao, 37, senior producer presenter on Capital 95.8FM. He wed Madam Karen Boo, 34, a marketing coordinator, in 2010.

What he did: Drove to Malaysia to pick up his wife from the kampung where her family lives. Recited Chinese tongue-twisters with grapes in his mouth, fetched water from a well with a small plastic bottle, washed three to five dirty handkerchiefs with a traditional washing board and put on a song and dance performance.

“At first, my wife and I thought that we might be too old for gate crashing. We were in our 30s and felt that such activities were more suited to those in their 20s. We decided to go ahead with it because weddings are once in a lifetime. My only concern was that I tend to sweat a lot and this does not look so nice when you are the groom.”

This article was originally published in The Straits Times on May 12, 2013. Read the full article on The Straits Times.com here.

See also: fun and harmless gatecrashing games to consider and what Contributing Editor Steve Thio has to say about the potentially dangerous and humiliating tradition.

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