The next time you hear about someone having a sex fantasy revolving around Benedict Cumberbatch, try not to grimace – or laugh. Fantasising that you’re having sex with a total stranger or a hot celebrity, or imagining being made love to in a certain way, is perfectly normal – and healthy. It’s just like having a regular daydream, except that you’ve added sex or a sexy partner to it.
When it comes to sharing your fantasies with your man, it’s understandable that you would be shy. After all, what would he think of you if you told him that you wanted to pretend to “discipline” him for being “naughty”? But sharing your sexy thoughts and dreams – no matter how funny, wild or embarrassing they seem – is part and parcel of enjoying a mature and healthy sex life.
If you’re thinking about opening up about your sex fantasies, don’t be shy. If what you fantasise about is a bit “out there”, then break it slowly to your partner. You could say something like, “I have this crazy sex fantasy that I was hoping we could act out. Can I tell you about it?” or “I was thinking about trying (insert fantasy here) the next time we make love – what do you think?”
To get your um, creative juices flowing, we've probed five Singaporean women to spill their sexiest thoughts:
Sex with her ex
“My husband is an amazing lover but, from time to time, I like to pretend that he’s my ex, who was the best lover I’ve ever had. When my husband is on top of me, I am instantly transported back to those wonderful times spent in bed with my ex. I literally imagine that it’s his hands that are touching me. This is one fantasy I will never share with my husband!” – Lena*, 34, marketing manager
Doing it on the beach
“I’ve always had this fantasy of being a castaway on an island. In my fantasy, I am alone when I meet one of the island’s natives – a tall, strong and muscular guy. He scoops me up in his massive arms and takes me to his beach hut, where we make love for hours on end, on the rough sand, by a little fire that he’s built. The fantasy always ends with me having a massive orgasm and screaming so loudly that I can be heard throughout the jungle.” – Tara*, 39, editor
She’s the boss
“I fantasise about being my man’s fierce lady boss and making him do whatever I want, including pleasing me in bed. I just love the idea of having a lot of power. Barking out orders to my partner, scolding him when he does something wrong, and denying him certain pleasures because he’s been a bad employee… Those are just a few things that turn me on when I think about them. “ – Kylie*, 37, designer
Just take me now
“I long for my partner to take control and just ravage my body. I get so hot when I imagine him stripping the clothes off my body and getting me into all kinds of wild sex positions. We then have rough, hurried sex before climaxing together.” – Martina*, 40, stay-at-home mum
Look at us
“My hubby and I would never act out this fantasy, because it’s against the law, but we would love to have sex in a public place, like up against the wall in an alleyway, or very hurriedly in a booth in some dimly lit bar. We would do it so quietly that no one would ever guess that we were having sex, but then there’s always that possibility of somebody noticing us. That’s probably what we find most sexually arousing about our fantasy – knowing that others are watching us and knowing that we might get caught.” – Kelly*, 30, travel consultant
*Names have been changed.