From The Straits Times    |

January is when many of us sit down and work out how we want the rest of the year to unfold. We make long lists of things we want to do and think up elaborate ways to achieve them: “Start a new diet, work out more and lose 20kg”, “Take up an exciting hobby”, “Save more money so that I can retire at 45”, “Launch my dream business”, “Sign up for my MBA”, “Get promoted and get a raise”… Resolutions like these are well and good, but what about goals for improving your love life? 

We all want to be better and do better. But when we make our New Year’s resolutions, we rarely think about how to improve our love life. Even if you are happily attached, there’s no harm in looking for ways to enhance your relationship. And if you are single but still searching for Mr Right, do yourself a favour and don’t leave this part of your life to chance. 

But, first things first: How exactly do you want your love life to be better in 2016? Do you want more quality time with your partner? Do you wish to have fewer arguments or to stop arguing about stupid things? Do you want to move in together or work towards a more serious commitment? If you are single, is this the year you want to meet quality men or establish something with someone you’ve had your eye on for a while? Whatever your love and relationship desires, you can make them happen. Once you know what you want, you can then come up with a plan, the same way you would for your financial, health and career goals. 

Single or taken, here are eight resolutions and strategies to get your love life off to a great start – and keep it alive through 2016 and beyond.

1. You want: Better or more communication with your partner

Your plan: How are you communicating with him now? If all you do is nag each other to get stuff done, or if you expect your man to read your mind and predict your mood (and vice versa), then you need to re-look how you deal with each other. Does your partner shut down when you bring up a problem? Does your relationship need more honesty and openness? Do you sometimes hold back your true feelings for fear of upsetting or angering your boyfriend? Poor communication is the top relationship killer, so it pays to sit down with your man and iron out any communication issues together. 

2. You want: More passion, fun and adventure

Your plan: Whether it’s going on holiday or trying a new activity together, scheduling time for romantic weekends at home, reclaiming your once-hot sex life, or doing meaningful things for each other more often, if you want it, it’s up to you and your guy to make it happen.

3. You want: To meet and connect with more men

Your plan: The only way to meet more men is to put yourself out there. You don’t have to desperately look for people to date; just focus on widening your social circle and being a little more active on the dating circuit. If bars and clubs are not your scene, and you find online dating sites sleazy or scary, ask your friends to set you up, sign up for a group activity, or hang out where the men are (think gyms, football pitches, basketball courts and stadiums).  

4. You want: Greater relationship security or a more serious commitment

Your plan: Perhaps you’re hoping to take your relationship to the next level. Does your guy know this? Most men are content to stay where they are if there are no problems, so it’s possible that your boyfriend hasn’t even considered how he wants your relationship to proceed. Don’t be afraid to have “the talk” with him. If you are both on the same page, then you can make plans to move forward together. If not, it’s better to know now, so you can decide if you want to move on without him. 

 

5. You want: Quality time with your man

Your plan: It’s one thing to spend more time together, but you should also look at how you both act when you are with each other. For instance, do you constantly check your phone when having a meal with your guy? When he’s with you, does he talk about nothing else but work? If these scenarios sound familiar, look for ways to make your time together more meaningful. It’s about being present, and making the most of whatever time you do have together. 

 

6. You want: Fewer dating disappointments

Your plan: Are you sick of dating the same types of guys? Do you wonder where all the quality men are? It might help to adjust your expectations a little. It’s possible that you’re so fixated on dating one particular type of man that you ignore all the rest who are seriously interested in you. This year, resolve to be less rigid about whom you date and re-look your relationship deal breakers – for instance, maybe you always turn down men who don’t fit your physical ideal or who don’t earn as much as you’d like them to. Give them a chance anyway, and who knows – you may stumble upon your dream man.

7. You want: To understand your partner better

Your plan: Sure, you and your guy are close, but do you really know what makes him tick? This year, make it a point to get to really know him – not just his likes and dislikes or his family history, but the things that touch his soul, his fears and frustrations, his weaknesses, how he sees himself with you, what he wants to change about himself, and anything else that might bring you closer together and make you feel more connected. As you get to know him better, let him see the sides of you that you have kept hidden all this while.  

8. You want: More support and appreciation 

Your plan: When you first started dating, your boyfriend showed his appreciation for you all the time and expressed genuine support for your dreams. Now, he hardly thanks you for all the nice things you do for him and doesn’t encourage you or show much enthusiasm when you talk about your goals. When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. Just try not to stay there. Start the year right by telling your guy what you need and how you want to be supported. Remember not to play the blame and shame game. The focus of the conversation should be ways to treat each other better so that your relationship thrives. Agree to stop taking each other for granted and watch your love grow.