From The Straits Times    |

Image: Showbit

Whether you’re into celebrating your relationship on Valentine’s Day or all-year round, the one thing all relationships have in common is that they require work. It’s no secret that we sometimes get tangled up in a string of bad patterns and habits, such as a long period of pent-up resentment or taking your partner for granted. The reality is that every relationship has its fair share of ups and downs, downs being the most memorable and tricky to overcome.  

You don’t have to make Valentine’s Day all about grand gestures or that one special night, but if you’re in a rut romantically or emotionally, Valentine’s is the perfect opportunity to make time for your relationship or marriage. If you’re determined to work at your relationship, here’s a seven-day challenge that can help you bring some romance and excitement back into your lives.  

Day 1: Make lists and talk it out

If there’s something that’s been weighing on your mind for a while now, this is your chance to get it out in the open. You can’t expect to move forward with negativity holding you back. Try making a list of anything that’s bothering you about your relationship. It can be a lack of communication, not spending enough time together, or wishing things were more balanced in terms of housework. The important thing to keep in mind is to avoid placing blame on anyone. This list is about how certain things make you feel (neglected, frustrated, sad), and should also include level-headed suggestions on how you think you’ll be able to overcome it or compromise as a couple.

When you’re done with the lists, take time to sit down and look over them together, and talk things through. You might learn a few things from the other’s perspective that will help you understand them better. This will only work if you’re both determined to improve your relationship, but isn’t that always the first step?

Day 2: Visit a sentimental location

Whether day one went well or left things a little raw (but healing), taking a trip down memory lane to a place that holds great sentimental value for you both is a positive step forward. There are plenty of amazing moments in a relationship that are somehow forgotten a few months down the line, and revisiting a special place is a good way of remembering the good times.

When your relationship is going through a hard time and you’re struggling to remember the last positive moment you shared, it’s good to go back and jog your memory.

Day 3: Hug more

It’s not just about going through the motions. There’s actual science behind why hugging is good for a relationship, with a neuroeconomist Paul Zak going so far as to prescribe eight hugs a day for a happier relationship. Hugs and hand holding have also proven to be great stress reducers, making hugging at the end of a long and stressful work day almost a necessity.

It all comes down to a chemical in your body called oxytocin that gets released when we feel safe or loved. Some call it the love hormone, others call it the cuddle hormone. Either way, the chemical is said to inspire some level of trust and connection, which can only mean good things for your relationship.

Day 4: Write your partner a love letter

Call it a thank-you note or affirmation if you like, but penning a letter dedicated to your significant other full of reasons why you love them and are grateful for them is a surefire way to put you both in a good mood.

The love letters don’t have to be a one-time deal (they really shouldn’t be). It can be something as small as leaving thank-you notes on post-its on their bedside table every so often, leaving memos of why you love them in random places for them to find (like the freezer), or just climbing into bed together at the end of the day and thanking them for one nice thing they did that day.

It helps keep things positive and lets the other person know how much you appreciate the little things.

Day 5: Try a little PDA

PDA isn’t just something for lovesick teenagers and the self-absorbed. Something as simple as hand-holding, hugging, or stealing a kiss can revive some of the thrill from when the relationship was new. It also shows your partner that you’re proud to be with them, which is a great confidence boost.

Day 6: Do something you might usually object to

Say your partner prefers going for an early morning hike at Macritchie while your idea of a perfect morning involves lazing around in bed and having a late brunch. If you usually say no to something like an early morning hike, this is the time for you to say yes, and not begrudgingly.

It might seem like basic Relationship 101, but participating in each other’s interests and making an effort to enjoy yourself is key to keeping a relationship exciting (and keeping the peace).

Day 7: Get gifting

You’ve made it to the end of the challenge, and expressed your love in more ways than one, so all that’s left is a gift. It’s not about how expensive the gift is or how grand the gesture, but how much thought you put into it.

For instance, if they do all the cooking, you could plan an entire meal for them. If you know they’ve been eyeing a particular bag for months on end, get it. If you both have barely had time to yourselves, take an impromptu holiday together.

It’s time to stop making excuses and to prioritise your relationship. After all, your relationship doesn’t work unless you do.